


Lionheart

by gthgrlxo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Bisexual Sirius Black, Desi James Potter, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Lacrosse, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Romance, Slow Burn, and abuse, ill also add any lacrosse slang in the notes, just to clarify, lily is a piercer because shes a badass, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:48:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 38,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29314356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gthgrlxo/pseuds/gthgrlxo
Summary: Sirius Black is the captain of the Calgary Lions lacrosse team and the disgraced heir of the famous Grimmauld Enterprises. He's perfectly content with his life and his sport until one Remus Lupin is traded to his team. Remus is tall, beautiful, smart, and makes Sirius want to completely pull his hair out.Read if you like slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers, and wolfstar AUs where Sirius is kind of oblivious and Remus is kind of a dick.(inspired by sweater weather by lumosinlove. seriously, go read that fic. its a masterpiece)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! ive been ensnared into the Marauders fandom, and after reading Sweater Weather by Lumosinlove, I just had to write a lacrosse wolfstar au! updates will be weekly, and i'll tag any content warnings in the beginning of each chapter! hope you all enjoy and feel free to check out my other works on here <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> black hole- ball hog  
> attack- the term for offense players in lacrosse  
> (edited)

Walking stiffly to the Calgary Lion’s physical therapy room, Sirius Black brushed back his damp hair out of his face as he stifled a small yawn. The trek was familiar to him, having walked it many a time in the three years he had been playing for the Lions lacrosse team. He seemed to be injured more often than not, much to his chagrin. It wasn’t due to him being clumsy- really, it was the opposite. He tended to throw everything he had into every game he played, mentally and physically, and often that resulted in him pushing himself so hard he forgot to spare a thought for what it was doing to his body. 

Sirius hummed contentedly as the team’s physical trainer dug his thumbs into his thigh, his muscles relaxing as he recovered from what was one of the most grueling practices he’d ever been put through in his ten years of playing lacrosse. His coach, Horace Slughorn, seemed to think that putting his boys through multiple three hour practices the week before their first game of the season was a good idea. 

Sirius disagreed, however, and so did his legs. His thigh had been a sore point for him after he’d torn it in a particularly nasty match against the Boise Mustangs the previous season, and now, it ached and twinged constantly, especially right before rain. James had taken to calling him an old man every time he saw Sirius limping into their apartment whenever the weatherman claimed it was about to rain. It was only the latest in a long line of injuries that seemed to be never-ending. 

The team’s physical trainer, a young kid named Leon, patted Sirius’ leg and told him he was good to go. Leon was one of Sirius’ favorite physical therapists he’d ever been to; he was firm, but understanding, and he didn’t tolerate any bullshit when it came to the healing process, which was something that Sirius needed, even if he’d never admit it. “You have to stop stepping weird when you shoot, or it’s just going to keep hurting,” Leon informed him as he handed him a fresh roll of KT tape. “How many times do I have to remind you?”

Sirius took the black tape, stuffing it into his bag on the ground next to the table he was laying on. “Yeah, yeah, I know, Leon. It’s not easy to change the way I shoot after ten years of doing it one way, you know?” The process of winding his stick back as he stepped, the way that he picked up his right foot as he twisted on his left leg that was planted on the ground was as natural to him as breathing at this point. Leon asking him to change that was like him asking Sirius to change the way he breathed. It just couldn’t be done. 

“I know,” Leon told him sympathetically. “But you’re going to have to, if you want to play in the first game. I know Sluggie wants you out there on the field and so do the rest of the boys. If you aren’t going to force yourself to heal for your sake, do it for theirs.” 

Sirius nodded, and Leon left him to put on his sweats and shoes. Sirius knew Leon was right, but that didn’t make it any easier. In fact, he would argue it made it much harder for he had no idea how he was supposed to accomplish doing what Leon was asking of him. Sirius picked up his bag, pulling the strap over his shoulder. His steps were stiff and short as he left the PT room and exited to the locker room, where his best friend and roommate James was chatting with Elijah Katcher, the team’s goalie.

Katch was a short man, the top of his head just barely brushing 5’8, but what he lacked in height, he made up for in build. He was as stocky as Sirius was lanky, as thick as Sirius was slim. Many had tried to convince him to play football, for his shoulders were so broad most linebackers’ paled in comparison. There were times that Katch was moved up to play defense when Sluggie wanted to give one of the other boys a chance to try their hand at being goalie, but it never lasted long. Katch was good at what he did, and Sirius had to admit that if Katch was on an opposing time, trying to score while he was in the goal would make him a bit terrified. 

And yes, the irony of his last name was lost on none of the team. Katch had confessed to them it was the entire reason he’d tried out for goalie in year ten because he’d thought it would be a rather funny joke, but he ended up falling in love with the sport and sticking with goalie. It was quite the love story. 

“There you are! I’ve been waiting ages, you know,” James told Sirius as Sirius picked up his phone and keys from his bench. Sirius rolled his eyes, punching James lightly on the shoulder. It was odd, Sirius thought, as he looked at his locker stall. It was the same stall he’d been using since being drafted by the Lions, but this year, in a sturdy black font, the word  _ Captain _ accompanied the tag that said  _ Sirius Black _ . 

That addition was a new one. He’d been chosen as team captain only a week or two before, to his complete surprise. It was going to take some getting used to. 

“No, you haven’t. I was just having Leon roll out my thigh, you impatient bastard. What’s up, Katch?”

Katch shrugged as he continued removing his goalie pads. “Not much, Black. Thigh still bugging you?” 

Sirius groaned, sitting down heavily on his locker bench. The movement made pain spark up his thigh, the muscle twitching as Sirius dug his thumb into the sore area to stop the sensation. “You have no idea. Leon says I’ve got to change the way I shoot, or I’ll be out by our first game. Like I can just change how I shoot so quickly.” Sirius shook his head. “Impossible, if you ask me. Besides, if I can’t shoot the way I’m used to, how will we win?”

James cuffed him upside the head as Katch snorted. “Watch it, Black! Last I recall, I scored more points than you did last season.”

“Only because you’re a damn black hole, Potter. Like anyone could score more than you when you don’t even pass!” Sirius accused jokingly. “But hey, did either of you hear about the new guy?”

Katch and James both shook their heads. Sirius gestured to the empty stall across from him, that their old teammate, Jordan Flint, used to occupy. Even the thought of Jordan’s name made his stomach lurch so suddenly Sirius had to press a hand to his abdomen, as if he could stop the feeling. “Late trade, after Flint ditched us. I didn’t know they even  _ did _ trades this late before the season, but I guess this guy is really something. Played for the Wolves before coming here. Sluggie told me right before practice. He starts tomorrow.”

“Do you know why he got traded?” James asked as he gathered his things and shoved an old blue hat on his head that he’d worn since they’d won their first-ever championship when they were thirteen. It was sweaty and stained and James  _ swore _ it brought him good luck. Sirius wasn’t one to judge on superstitions, though. He had more rituals before games than anyone else on the team. 

“Sloan was saying something about him and a guy on the team fighting or something like that, but there’s no reason that would be enough for a late trade. I hear he’s pretty decent, so that’s good for us. Sluggie didn’t tell me exactly why.”

Katch sighed. “As long as he doesn’t aim at me like you two do during practice, I’ll be fine with him.” He rubbed a sore spot on his arm where his pads didn’t quite cover. 

“You are the goalie, Katch,” Sirius said. “How can we not aim for you?”

Katch glared at Sirius, which made Sirius snort. “You and Potter both aim for me on purpose sometimes, and you  _ know _ it! Don’t act innocent. That doesn’t work on me, Black. I’ve seen how dirty you play.”

“Just giving you a challenge, Katch,” James consoled. “Really, you’ll thank us for it later! Making you a better player and all that shit.”

“Get out of here before I hit the both of you,” Katch grumbled. Sirius and James saluted him, taking their leave. The locker room had emptied out while Leon had worked on Sirius’ thigh, meaning there was little traffic to contend with as they made their exit. Most of the players rode the bus, anyway, or got rides from one of the other guys on the team that had a car. As much as Sirius loved playing lacrosse professionally, it only paid so much. Sirius was only able to afford his car because of the money his uncle Alphard had left him before he died. 

Lovely uncle Alphard. The only Black Sirius  _ hadn’t _ wanted to punch, and he’d died at the young age of fifty due to cancer. Losing Alphard had been harder on him than his parents disowning him at sixteen. Alphard had been the only person to ever truly support Sirius besides James, and Sirius missed him constantly. 

It was unfair, to say the least, that the only family who’d given a damn about Sirius had been taken from him before he even got to see Sirius become the kind of person he hoped Alphard would be proud of. The rest of his family were a bunch of stuck-up, bigoted, foul prats who valued image over anything. Sirius had always thought it should’ve been one of them that had died, and he barely felt bad for that at all. Uncle Alphard had been a bright, loving, warm man who had shown Sirius what good music was, and how to play pool, and what life could be outside of the Black family. 

He was one of the reasons Sirius had been okay when his parents had kicked him out. He had shown Sirius how good life was when it wasn’t being ruled with an iron fist by his mother and father. If Uncle Alphard hadn’t been so sick when Sirius had been kicked out, he would’ve lived with him. That had been the plan, anyway. Sirius was incredibly thankful for James and his parents, who took him in without question, but he had always longed for what it would’ve been like to live with his uncle. 

So much of his personality and appreciation of life was owed to Uncle Alphard. Alphard had been everything the Black family hated- he’d even owed a motorcycle, something that made Sirius’ father, Orion’s lip curl with disdain everytime it came roaring up to their obscenely large estate. 

Sirius, much to his dismay, owned a black Mazda Miata that was perfectly fine in every way besides the fact that it  _ wasn’t _ a motorcycle. He’d been trying to buy one for years, but he’d never had the time to get his motorcycle license, and besides, Mrs. Potter would likely have a conniption if she ever found out he even wanted one. She already got worried enough as is that her sons played lacrosse, even though James and Sirius very rarely got seriously injured. 

Very rarely being the operative word, for there had been a few times where either James or Sirius had been lucky to be able to walk off the field without the assistance of a stretcher. 

“Sluggie’s trying to kill us, isn’t he?” James asked as they left the lot and headed back to their shared apartment. “I mean, christ, our first game is next week, and at the rate he’s pushing us, none of us will even be able to stay awake long enough to play the first half.”

“Fucking wild,” Sirius agreed. “There’s only so much stick-handling drills I can put up with. I think my hands actually might fall off!” James snorted, and Sirius rolled his eyes. “You’ve got a dirty mind, you know that? You’re a child.”

“Not my fault our sport sounds so fucking dirty all the time!” James protested. “I mean, come  _ on _ .”

“As your captain, I must ask that you refrain,” Sirius said, putting on a fake haughty air. “My delicate ears might just fall off if you continue such foul jokes.”

“Captain, indeed,” James laughed. “Not sure how you managed to coerce Sluggie into giving you that.”

Sirius eyed his best friend. “Careful, or I’ll have you running laps until you pass out. I did not  _ coerce _ him. You’re just jealous, Potter. It’s okay, really. You can admit it.” James laughed as they pulled into their apartment’s parking garage. “But really, I have no clue either. I piss around just as much as you guys do.”

Sirius did, but he also knew that he worked  _ hard _ . He pushed himself, and he had been so shocked and happy when Sluggie and the team had voted him captain that he nearly cried. Nearly being the key word, because Sirius wouldn’t be caught dead crying in front of his team. They’d never let him live it down. 

Yes, he’d continue to joke about not knowing how he was chosen for captain because Sirius Black was entirely incapable of not being self-depreciative, but secretly, it was the achievement of a lifetime for him. It meant not only that Slughorn saw how hard Sirius worked, but that the rest of the team respected him enough to trust him with being Captain. Being a Lion was the most important thing in Sirius’ life, and seeing that his team loved him as much as he loved them was enough to make his throat thick with tears whenever he thought about it. 

“You deserve it, though, you know that?” James got out of Sirius’ car, grabbing his bag from the trunk. “You may mess around, but you work harder than anyone on the team. You practice more than any of us by a long shot, and you-”

“Why, Jamie, if you’re in love with me, why don’t you just say it? No need for flattery,” Sirius told his best friend, grabbing his own bag and locking his car. “Really, it’s a little much. What would Lily say?”

“Alright, you pompous prat, I’m just trying to tell you that I’m proud of you,” James said. 

Sirius unlocked their apartment door, the smell of cinnamon flooding his nostrils as he looked towards the kitchen, where Lily was standing, rolling out dough. The apartment wasn’t too large, but it was the perfect size for the three of them. The family room and kitchen were open and airy, making it a perfect space to have people over, but the two bedrooms and bathroom were down at the end of a fairly long hall, meaning that if Sirius wanted to go to bed before everyone left, he was able to. 

After living in the Black estate, where decorations and furniture were so ornate many weren’t even available for use, Sirius had decided he wanted his living space to be as bright and friendly and open and eclectic as possible. Growing up, things had always matched, had always been neat and tidy, and while the apartment was always clean (more or less), there were books and plants and funky little decorations strewn about that gave that space a cozy, lived-in feel. Sirius loved it. 

Lily and James had been dating for four years, ever since Lily had finally given James a chance their final year of school. James had been bothering her for years, and Lily had always treated him with indifference at best, and with utter and complete disdain at worst. One day, a few weeks before graduation, James had announced to Sirius suddenly that he was moving on from Lily, and Sirius had made James sit down so he could feel his forehead. James had swatted his hand away, telling Sirius he was fine, but he just didn’t see the point of chasing after a girl who was never going to give him the time of day. 

Lily had noticed immediately that James no longer was seeking her attention, and apparently, Lily just couldn’t bear the thought. What made matters worse was when James had begun flirting with Alice Brown, one of Lily’s best friends. Lily, much to Sirius’ surprise, happened to be the jealous type, and she had marched right up to James in the middle of lunch, planting a rough kiss on his lips. James had walked around in a stupor for the rest of the day, convinced it had been a hallucination, but Lily hadn’t left his side since. 

Sirius completely forgot about James’ compliment as he saw what Lily was working on. “Oh,  _ mon dieu _ , Lily, you didn’t!” Sirius saw the brown sugar and butter mixture on the counter and sighed gratefully. Lily’s red hair was pulled back into a loose bun, likely left over from her shift at a tattoo shop where she worked as a piercer. “You did! You’re making cinnamon rolls! I knew we kept you around for a reason!” 

“What would Lily say about what?” Lily asked them as they shut the door, raising a delicate ginger brow. 

“Oh, James just professed his undying love for me, and now, we’re running away to start a new life in Greece,” Sirius informed her solemnly. “I’m sure you’ll get over him quickly.”

“So just the usual, then,” Lily grinned, then her face dropped, her eyes narrowing at Sirius. “Don’t even  _ think _ of coming into this kitchen until you’ve set that bag in your room, Sirius Black, and washed your hands. That thing reeks,” Lily scolded as Sirius tried to walk into the kitchen to sneak a taste of her cinnamon roll dough she was rolling out. 

Sirius rolled his eyes, shouldering his practice duffle and making his way to his room. “Admit it, you just can’t be around my manly musk too long or you’ll fall in love with me, too!”

“In your dreams, Black!” Lily called back, making Sirius laugh. 

Sirius hadn’t been Lily’s biggest fan at first; he hadn’t had to share James with anyone since they became friends at eleven. Soon, though, Sirius warmed up to Lily, and now, he considered her family more than any of his actual blood relatives. She’d gone to bat for him more times than he could count for more reasons than he could count, and he would do the same for her in a heartbeat.

When James had asked if she could move in with them, Sirius had agreed quickly. He loved her, yes, but he was also incredibly tired of James’ poor and often flammable attempts at cooking, and besides, having Lily around was just  _ nice _ . She and Sirius were as close as he and James were, but their relationship was different. Lily was the person Sirius went to when he needed to be told the truth. James, the caring lad he was, tended to sugarcoat things for Sirius. It wasn’t on purpose, it was just his nature. 

Sirius tossed his duffle in the corner of his room, wincing slightly as the movement caused his thigh to twinge with pain. He’d torn the muscle nearly six months ago, and his recovery had ebbed and flowed with annoying irregularity. During their off-season, he usually still went running every day, and dragged James to a park to set up a goal and shoot around for hours on end, but he hadn’t been able to this year. So not only had he been out the last two games of the season, but he’d been out all off-season. Leon had only just cleared him to play three weeks ago, and he was feeling the effects of his inactivity sorely. 

_ Damn Broncos _ , Sirius thought. They always played dirty, and when Sirius had torn his thigh, it had been because of their defense players, a massive brute named Horows, had hooked his cleated foot around Sirius’ ankle. Sirius had crashed to the ground, twisting strangely as he landed on his leg. He’d felt the pain right away, but swore to Sluggie that he was fine to play the rest of the game. 

Leon had told him that if he had sat out right away, he would’ve healed in six weeks. Sirius had beaten himself up for days after that. 

It certainly wasn’t a career-ending injury, at least not at first, but Sirius was notoriously terrible for not letting himself heal entirely before pushing himself too hard. It really was a vicious cycle, and one that Sirius likely wasn’t going to break any time soon. 

Sirius changed into sweats and a worn Lions shirt before searching for his phone on his bed, but it wasn’t there. Walking back out into the kitchen as he tied up his hair which was now to his shoulders (something that Sirius knew Walburga and Orion would  _ hate _ ), Sirius asked, “Lils? Jamie? Did I leave my phone out here?”

Lily and James jumped apart at the sound of his voice, and Sirius shook his head. “I was gone five minutes, and the two of you are already trying to jump down each other’s throats, huh? You two are horrible to live with, really. At least- what?”

James was looking at him with a slightly anxious expression, his dark skin unusually pale as he handed Sirius his phone. “I really didn’t...Your phone buzzed and I checked it… I didn’t…”

James trailed off as Sirius grabbed his phone from his friend. His message app was open, which wasn’t unusual. James and Sirius answered texts for each other all the time. But the thread that was open…

Sirius felt the world tilt a bit as he saw the name at the top of the text thread. He looked at the text that had been sent, but Sirius could hardly make his eyes focus as his brain reeled with shock. 

_ I’ll be back in town next week for a while. _

“Did you… I mean, are you okay?” James asked tentatively. Sirius looked up James and Lily, who were both scanning him nervously, as if he might break down at any moment. To be fair, it had happened in the past, but Sirius was  _ fine _ now. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. 

“Of course,” Sirius shrugged, but he knew his voice sounded too tight and too high. “Just a text.”

“Right, but it’s-  _ ow _ ,” James grumbled as Lily elbowed him. “Good lord, woman!” 

Lily smiled kindly at Sirius, her green eyes searching Sirius’ anxiously. “The first batch of cinnamon rolls are ready! You want one?” 

Sirius shook his head, suddenly entirely un-hungry. In fact, he rather felt like he might throw up. “Actually, I think I’m just going to take a nap. Thanks, though, Lils.” 

Lily nodded, but he could see the worry in her eyes. He tried to shove down the annoyance that rose at her expression, because he’d been _ trying _ to let James and Lily help him when he needed it. His therapist said it was good for him to have a support system, even if it was hard for him to accept him. 

That was the understatement of the fucking century. 

“Playstation later tonight?” James asked, but Sirius was already heading back to his room, anxiety and apprehension making his heart thud so loudly it sounded like a drumbeat in his head. He focused on one foot in front of the other, just focused on making it to his bedroom before everything completely overwhelmed him. 

“Maybe,” Sirius replied shortly, before shutting his door and dropping onto his bed, willing the panic in his brain to shut up for just a moment while he sorted through his thoughts. 

Just because he was in town wouldn’t mean Sirius would see him, right? He’d likely be busy, and Sirius would be even busier with practice and games. Sure, it was easier to function when he was the entire span of the Atlantic Ocean away, but as long as he still didn’t see him, being in the same city as Sirius wouldn’t really change anything. 

Except it  _ would _ , because Sirius would  _ know _ he was here. Sirius closed his eyes against the orange light of the setting sun shoving through his blinds, feeling a headache start to prick his eyes. Sirius called out to his phone, asking it to play the Moody Blues album  _ A Question of Balance _ . 

Sirius snorted as the first bars of Melancholy Man floated from his speakers.  _ How fitting _ , he thought bitterly. Turning to his side, he let the music lull him to sleep, praying that he’d wake up in the morning not remembering anything from his dreams. 

~

Sirius shot up with a gasp, his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat as he tried to work out where he was. His eyes landed on his duffle bag by the door, his discarded practice jersey on the floor, and his Pink Floyd poster that hung on the wall opposite his bed, and felt his panic subside minimally as he assured himself he was in his own room. 

He reached out for his phone on his bedside table, but the screen flashed that it was dead, so Sirius plugged it in before hauling himself out of bed and pattering into the kitchen. His body always felt sore after dreams like the one he’d just woken from, likely because he tended to tense up as the memories hit him. 

His throat felt dry and sticky, prompting him to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, leaning against the granite counter as he opened it. The green numbers on the oven told him it was barely past four in the morning, meaning he’d been asleep for nearly nine hours. It also meant there was no way in hell he was going to get back to sleep before he had to leave for their early morning practice that started at six. 

Finishing the bottle of water, Sirius trudged back to his room, picking up his phone that was now slightly charged. He’d missed a few texts from the team and Mrs. Potter, but he’d return those later. No one was mental enough to be up this early besides him. For now, all he wanted to do was  _ move _ , to work himself until his muscles burned and it felt like he couldn’t go anymore. 

It always helped to clear his head to work out, as much as he hated it. It was such a cliche, really, but it did help. It let Sirius focus on something other than the lovely storm cloud that was growing in his mind, which always happened whenever he heard from him. 

Sirius shucked off his shirt and dropped to the floor, beginning to sit up and down as he did sit-up after sit-up. Sweat dripped down his neck and face, his long black hair falling loose from its hair tie and swinging down into his eyes, but he didn’t let himself stop until he couldn’t bring his chin to his knees another time. His stomach burned with exertion, and his hands shook from working out after not eating since before practice the day prior, but he felt a bit calmer. A bit more put together. 

Though he wished he could be anywhere other than in town, at least it gave Sirius extra motivation to push himself during practice, because at least then he’d be able to fall asleep right when he got home every day. If he was sleeping, he wouldn’t turn into that pathetic ball of nerves and fear that he turned into every time  _ he _ was in town. But how long was  _ a while _ ? And why had he told Sirius? 

Surely he wasn’t stupid enough to think that Sirius could want to see him after everything that happened, was he?

Sirius could hear James in his head, telling him off for thinking about it so much. Sirius sighed, pushing himself to his feet, and went in for a set of modified squats Leon had given him that supposedly helped rebuild the muscle in his thigh, but Sirius hadn’t seen enough improvement yet for him to believe Leon. Sirius was not a patient person, so physical therapy had been harder than it should’ve been for him.

Around five, when Sirius was just wiping his face off with his discarded shirt, James knocked on his door, calling for Sirius. Sirius went to get up to open it, but before he could, James swung the door open. No respect for privacy, that one. 

“How many times do I have to tell you to  _ wait, _ ” Sirius groaned, pushing himself to his feet, his muscles groaning in protest at the new movement. “For all you know I could’ve been naked and having some early morning fun.”

James raised his eyebrows suggestively. “What if I don’t wait on purpose? What if my life-long dream has been to catch you with your pants down, Mr. Black? Besides, you only do that at night.”

Sirius gave James a look that said he was not happy he knew that. “You  _ have _ seen me with my pants down, James.We’ve played sports together for a decade. I’ve changed in front of you more than Lily has. You should hate yourself for knowing that, by the way.”

“Why? We’ve lived together since we were sixteen. I know you, Sirius,” James said flirtatiously, “ _ Intimately _ .”

Sirius shoved James, who laughed quietly so he didn’t wake Lily up in the next room. She was lucky; her job as a piercer never required her to go in until ten. “Shut up and go change before I really do think you like me,” Sirius told James, but James stayed, his face turning stoic as he saw the sweat on Sirius’ face and the flushed tone of his skin. 

“You had that dream again, didn’t you?” James asked softly. James  _ did _ know Sirius; he knew all his tells and he always knew when Sirius was feeling off. Sirius had a love-hate relationship with that fact. Love, because he could always count on James to bring it up, and hate, because  _ he could always count on James to bring it up _ . 

Sirius nodded, rubbing his face. His body felt too tense, as if every muscle was locked with anticipation. “It’s...fine. I got plenty of sleep. I’ve only been up since four. It wasn’t...it wasn’t as bad as it used to be.” Not as bad as it used to be, and yet it was still bad enough that Sirius’ thoughts felt heavy, felt like too much. 

“Still, you have to start talking about it to your therapist. It might help, you know, to get it all out or whatever.”

Sirius nodded, but he knew he wasn’t going to. He’d shared many things with Rashida, but the dreams he had were the one subject he refused to discuss. It was too personal, as irrational as that sounded. He’d told Rashida more about his life growing up than he’d told even James, but his dreams...he just couldn’t do it. 

He’d never admit it, but Sirius was also scared he wasn’t strong enough to talk about it out loud. 

Sirius and James changed into their practice jerseys, got into Sirius’ car, and picked up coffee before they arrived at the field. Really, Sirius should’ve skipped the coffee, or at least saved it until after practice, as it always messed with his medication, but he sorely needed it this morning. James could tell he needed it, too, which was why he hadn’t protested when Sirius had pulled up to the Dunkin’ that was right next to the stadium. 

Sirius’ body felt heavy as they trudged into the locker room, where the rest of the team was in the middle of getting their pads on and fiddling with their stick pockets. Sam Asher, Blake Sloan, and Julius Arwen, the Lions three starting defenders, were laughing loudly at something Katch had just said, and Sirius winced at the loud noise. 

His headache had returned a bit as he’d woken up more, but it was truly nothing he couldn’t deal with. He’d had much worse. Sloan caught Sirius’ pained expression and threw his arm around his captain, grinning widely. Sloan was a broad, lanky boy from Washington who had an incredible talent for causing people to adore him, even though he was loud and brash and fucking  _ irritating _ this early in the morning.

“Did our dear captain have a bit too much fun last night after practice?” 

Sirius shoved his arm off, sitting down on his locker bench as he took a drink of his coffee. “Piss off, Sloan. It’s early, and you’re loud. Not all of us have the energy of a cracked out toddler at six a.m.” 

“Yeah, Sloan, tone it down,” Asher called with a smarmy smile. “You’re annoying.”

“Shut it, Smash, or I’ll smack that smile off your face,” Sloan shot back, grinning. 

“The new guy is coming today, right?” Juls asked as he pulled on his shoulder pads. “I don’t remember his name, but he’s taking Jor’s spot, isn’t he?”

Sirius bristled slightly at the mention of his former team mate, but answered. “Yeah, attack with James and I. Don’t recall his name, though.” Apparently, Sirius was in luck, because right then, Sluggie walked in with who Sirius assumed was their new team mate. And  _ jesus _ , Sirius had to take a breath as he walked in. 

He was tall, even taller than Smash, who was nearly six foot four, and he had brown hair that was nearly auburn.  _ God _ , of course it was almost auburn, because the long arms and broad shoulders and slightly curly hair wasn’t enough to do Sirius in. The newbie scanned the locker room, taking in each of his new teammates. 

“Right, boys, this is Remus Lupin, our newest attack. The boys, I’m sure, will introduce themselves to you, so get ready for that. Practice starts in twenty, and we’ll catch you up on how we do drills and such as we go. That, there, is the team captain, Sirius Black,” Sluggie told Remus, gesturing to Sirius. “If you need anything, ask him.” Sluggie left, leaving Remus standing alone in the doorway.

Remus caught Sirius’ eye, and Sirius stood, walking over to him and extending a hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m attack as well, and so is James over there.” James waved to Remus, who simply dipped his chin in acknowledgement. Remus didn’t take Sirius’ hand, but simply looked at him stonily, and Sirius dropped it, irritation bubbling up at the rejection. “Your locker’s there,” said Sirius stiffly, pointing to the locker across from his. 

Sirius sat back down, eyeing Remus warily. James came over to him, giving him a look that said he’d caught Remus’ slight and was not impressed by it. Sirius agreed silently. He’d played with his fair share of assholes since he was eleven, and it seemed Remus was just one more on the long list of them. As pretty as Remus may be, Sirius didn’t take lightly to players who were rude, and he certainly wasn’t going to put up with it on his own damn team. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay christ i did not mean for this chapter to be so long but here we are! i made a few changes in the first chapter just to make the story flow better but nothing big!  
> groundball- pretty much exactly what it sounds like just a ball thats scooped up off the ground while playing  
> GLE- goal line extended (making a goal from here is one of the hardest shots to make)  
> checked- basically just hitting someone with your stick  
> slash- a violent swing that hits the head, back, or legs  
> duking- 'breaking ankles' or dodging super skillfully

Sirius sat on the frozen morning grass, pressing a lacrosse ball into the pocket of his beloved stick, rolling it back and forth to stretch out the strings. Katch was adjusting some strings on his larger goalie stick, James was stretching, and the rest of the team were either passing idly or adjusting their pads while they waited for Sluggie to appear. Remus was in his own space, not joining in on the jabs and jokes that were being thrown around as the team lazily started to warm up. He was adjusting the laces on his black cleats, his long legs stretched out in front of him. Sirius actually kind of liked the all-black ensemble he had going on; in his day-to-day life, his wardrobe looked similar. Sirius wondered what Remus wore. 

After he was satisfied with the depth of his pocket, Sirius fished his Adderall out of his duffle bag and shook out a pill onto his palm, swallowing it dry. He caught Remus looking at him, but Sirius ignored him. If he was going to be a dick, then fine. Sirius would be his captain, and that was the end of it.

Sirius was a firm believer that teammates should be incredibly close. It made the team stronger, and made everyone work together better. He’d spent ten years playing with James, which meant he and Sirius could practically read each other’s minds on the field and off. Mrs. Potter had made many a comment about it before, swearing they’d found a way to make telepathy possible. Sirius had been playing with the other boys for three or four years, depending on the player, so he knew them well, too. Remus, though... Remus was a hitch in an otherwise well-oiled machine, and Sirius would be lying if he said he wasn’t apprehensive about where and how Remus was going to fit. 

In the twenty minutes since Sluggie had introduced Remus to the team, Remus had barely said a word to anyone. While the other guys were messing around and talking while they put on their pads and cleats, Remus sat in silence as he taped his stick and put on his black practice jersey. It wasn’t as if Sirius hated that he was quiet; in fact, some quiet was much needed now and then with how rowdy the Lions lacrosse team was. Sirius just didn’t like that Remus wasn’t even trying to meet his new team. He wasn’t even trying to learn the flow of things. All he did was watch the others. 

Sirius was thinking he didn’t really like Remus. He wasn’t sure why. Yes, he’d brushed off his handshake, but was that really a valid reason to dislike him? Unfortunately, Sirius didn’t think so. He could hear Rashida’s voice in his head: _You’re being territorial. We’re working on letting new people in, remember? You can’t automatically assume everyone new isn’t trustworthy. That isn’t a healthy way to live._ She was right, naturally, but that didn’t mean Sirius had to _like_ it. 

Of course Sirius was protective of his team; he’d been playing with most of these guys since he was eighteen. He spent every day with them for months, and saw them at least once a week the rest of the year. They were his family, or as close as Sirius had to one besides the Potters. Remus was new, and that meant Sirius was incredibly wary of him. 

“Alright, let’s get started! Five laps around the field, and no walking,” Slughorn called out. “Yes, you too, Katch!” Katch groaned comically, pushing himself to his feet. “Just because you’re goalie doesn’t mean you get to slack off. And Black, don’t push it!”

Sirius groaned as Sluggie singled him out. “Sluggie, I’m _fine_. Leon cleared me to play, remember?” He didn’t find it necessary to add that Leon had told him to cut back on running specifically for the time being.

“I do remember, Black. I also remember him saying to _not push it_ ,” Sluggie said. “I’ll be damned if our captain can’t play the first game of the season against the Vipers. We had enough trouble with them last year without you being out. The boys need you out there. For your sake, you better take it easy.” 

The _or else_ was implied. Sirius nodded. As much fun as Slughorn was, the man could also be fucking terrifying, and it was far too early in the official season to be on the receiving end of his legendary temper. 

The team set off around the field, and reluctantly, Sirius hung back slightly. James, who was normally at the front of the pack, stayed back with him. Sirius tried not to let irritation overcome him; he knew James was just being kind, was just being his _friend_ . James was just...being _James_ . Sirius hated having to go easy, though. It made him feel weak, and Rashida had told him over and over that he _wasn’t_ , but he couldn’t help it. He was the captain, for god’s sake. He was meant to be leading his team, even in warm-ups. 

But here he was, towards the back of the pack, trying to carefully set his left foot down every time he stepped so that he wouldn’t twist his thigh too terribly. James nudged Sirius as they entered their second lap, and Sirius looked up towards the front of the group. To his surprise, Remus was there, pumping his arms slightly, and looking entirely unaffected. He wasn’t even _flushed_ or anything. 

That only made Sirius dislike him more, though perhaps this reason was less rational than Remus snubbing him in front of the entire team. He was trailed closely by Felix Sanchez and Seth Nazwicki, two of the Lions’ middies who could run circles around Sirius even when he wasn’t injured. _Trailed_ , though, because as the laps went on, Remus consistently kept in front of everyone. 

_Fucking show-off_ , Sirius thought bitterly. 

The team completed their laps with little complaint, mostly because they knew it was only going to get worse from here. Sluggie was notorious for drilling his teams into the ground, but that was also why his teams always won. 

Or they _had_ always won, until last season and the Incident, but thinking about that made Sirius feel faintly nauseous, so he brushed the thought aside. He’d save thinking about that for when he saw Rashide at the end of the week. 

Sirius panted as he came to a stop, the cold winter air burning his lungs as he breathed in and out. His hands were already starting to feel stiff with cold, and he was eager to pull on his gloves and helmet to protect his fingers and ears from the bitter January morning. Sluggie held his clipboard, marking something down on the paper clipped to it. “Grab some water, then meet back here so we can start some ground ball drills. I do not want to hear it,” Sluggie said as some of the team began to grumble. “I know you hate it, and frankly, I don’t give a damn. My team is good at _everything_ and that includes ground balls. If you all would just do the drills, maybe we wouldn’t have to work on it so much. Captain, anything to say before we begin?” 

“Not terrible, boys, but I know some of you were slacking during the off-season, and we barely have a week before we face the Vipers, and I’d rather throw myself off this stadium than let those bastards win again, eh?” Sirius said to his team. “As your captain, I expect the best out of every one of you, and I know you bastards well enough to know when you’re giving your best.” _Besides Remus_ . “We’re the Calgary Lions, for god’s sake. We _win_. We don’t do mediocre, do we?”

The team let out a loud whoop at that. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t have a repeat of last season,” Sirius added, a bit more somber. “That was...well, it was fucking painful, wasn’t it?” A few nods and murmurs of agreement from the team. “But we aren’t going to let that happen this season, right?” Sirius grinned proudly. “Alright, go get some water.”

Everyone headed to the sideline, where their bags were placed in a neat line, just like they did at every game. Sluggie wasn’t kidding when he said his team was good at everything; Sirius had gotten used to his attention to detail, but Sluggie even demanded their bags always be in order and they even had matching _mouthguards._

Sirius heard a soft snort behind him, followed by a string of unintelligible words that sounded vaguely foul, and he knew instantly who it had come from. Without thinking about it first, he turned to face Remus, who looked wholly unimpressed by his speech. Sirius stood in front of him, blocking his path. Remus’ cheeks were slightly flushed and there was a thin sheen of sweat on his face that he wiped away with the hem of his jersey, exposing his toned torso that Sirius avoided looking at. 

“You got a problem?”

Remus looked down at him, and Sirius cursed the fact that his head only came up to Remus’ nose. Cursed it, even as it sent odd tingles down his spine. “No,” Remus said shortly. There was something short and shaped about the ‘o’ sound, but Sirius couldn’t quite place his finger on it. 

“Seems like you do,” Sirius retorted. “You got a problem, you take it up with me, Lupin. I’m the captain. I don’t know what it was like on the Wolves, but here, we don’t do that underhanded girly shit. If we have an issue, we voice it. We don’t fucking _snort_ about it.” Sirius didn’t understand why he felt so defensive about it, but he did. There was just something about Remus that made Sirius feel incredibly off-kilter. 

James put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder, and to anyone else, it would’ve looked like he was just comforting him. Sirius knew that it really meant, _Stop running your mouth. It’s fine._

It _wasn’t_ fine though. Who the hell did this Remus guy think he was, ignoring Sirius _and_ muttering under his breath about him on his first day? He’d been traded to their team, not the other way around. 

“Look, mate, I can see that you’re one of those ‘teamwork makes the dream work types’ and that’s brilliant, but that’s not really my thing,” Lupin told him simply, as if that was just something Sirius should’ve been okay with. “I can see the lot of you are all friends, but I’m here to play and win, and that’s really it. You all can hold hands and sing campfire songs or whatever inane team-building exercises I’m sure you have planned. I won’t be joining. It wasn’t my choice to join this team.”

It hit Sirius like a train and he felt a bit taken by surprise. Remus was _Scottish_. Or Welsh. Something like that. Regardless of the specifics, it made Sirius’ head spin a bit. He ground his teeth slightly as he spoke, feeling his infamous temper building up to heights James would immediately disapprove of. 

“Well, I suggest you change your attitude then. I’m not going to force you to be friends, because quite frankly, you seem like a pain in the ass, but I need you to cut this broding act you’ve got going-”

“What Sirius _means_ to say,” James interrupted, his hand clamping down on Sirius’ shoulder so tightly he was worried it might make it pop out of its socket, “is that we’re happy to have you on the team, and we hope in time that you’ll warm up to us. I know some of the boys can be a lot. I’ve known most of them for years and I still want to strangle them sometimes. Go get some water, yeah?” 

Remus nodded at James, making sure Sirius knew it was _just_ at James. “Yeah.”

Remus walked off and Sirius whirled around to face James, a look of hurt and betrayal plastered on his face. “What the hell?”

“What do you mean, ‘What the hell’? He’s _new_ and you’re the captain. You can’t go around calling him a pain in the ass! We _just_ met him. I know,” James said, holding up a hand to stop Sirius’ oncoming protest. “He doesn’t seem like the kindest person I’ve ever met, but neither did you when I first met you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, shrugging James’ hand off his shoulder. “Yes, but you’re forgetting I had my roguish good looks and sharp wit going for me.”

“And the fact that you were a fucking dick and would nearly bite my head off every time I went near you for the first six weeks we knew each other,” James added. “By that standard, Remus is practically a ray of sunshine. You have to cut him some slack, alright? I know he didn’t shake your hand, and yes, I heard him calling your speech a few names that I won’t repeat, but it’s his _first day_. You and I were lucky. We got traded at the same time, and we grew up with some of these guys. Imagine how much it would suck getting traded to a new team full of strangers. I’m guessing the trade was the Wolves’ fault, not his. You gotta give him an adjustment period.” 

Sirius knew James was right, and he felt a tiny bit embarrassed. Sirius couldn’t just run his mouth this season whenever he felt like it; he needed to be an example, as cliche as that sounded. “Okay, but he does need to cut at least some of that shit out. It doesn’t help him to be all stiff and judgemental.”

“And it doesn’t help that his captain has already chewed him out for no reason,” James pointed out. Sirius glared at him, but the small twist of guilt in his gut told him his friend was right. James shoved him towards their waters on the sideline. “It’ll smooth out, I promise. It’ll just take more than thirty minutes. Besides, from what I hear, he left the Wolves on pretty bad terms with some of his team mates. Maybe he just...has his guard up now, or whatever. Why is this bothering you so much?” Sirius shrugged, because he genuinely didn’t have an answer besides the fact that he was just being territorial, as Rashida liked to call it. “Fine, don’t answer me now. I’ll just keep asking until you tell me what’s got you in such a mood.”

Sirius knew James was being serious, but he figured that was a problem for future Sirius. Sirius grabbed his water, squirting the cold liquid into his mouth. His thigh felt alright, which cheered him up considerably. James, the stupid bastard, was probably right. Again. Sirius was partially amazed he hadn’t gotten sick of that. It made him wonder why James, and Lily for that matter, were so good at thinking about things rationally and he wasn’t. He shoved down the prick of irritation at that thought. 

Sirius looked up at Liam Kozwolo, Noah Sartan, and Philip Bruskin, who were looking at something on Koz’s phone that was making Sartan and Lip giggle like little girls. Sirius brought his water over to the group, eyeing them suspiciously. “Any reason you sound like a pack of eleven year olds who just saw a naked girl for the first time?”

Koz flipped his phone towards Sirius, and Sirius couldn’t help the laugh that burst from his throat. On it was an article about Severus Snape, who played defense for the Rochester Snakes. The headline read, _Snake’s Snape on Steroids?_ The picture was of Snape standing like a deer caught in headlights, a brown paper bag clutched tightly in his pasty hand. The flash of the camera had flattened out his features, making him look noseless. It was awesome. 

“I guess our darling Snape was caught buying ‘roids off a literal _seventeen year old_ last night. They weren’t even real, either. Some sort of cut shit, from what the article says. But apparently, he’s had a problem with them forever. Serves him right after what he did last season,” Koz told him, shaking his head. “But I guess we know why he was so fucking agressive, eh?”

Sirius blew a strand of hair out of his face that had come loose from his bun. “Shit, no kidding. Seriously, though, ‘ _roids_? How stupid can he get?”

“Says he’s still playing this season, though,” Lip added woefully. “He must be fucking loaded if he can get away with what he did last season _and_ steroids and still not get kicked from the league.” Sirius didn’t bother to mention there was _another_ player on the Snakes that was fucking loaded, and that’s who had likely saved Snape’s ass. 

Sluggie blew his whistle, and Sirius shoved his scarlet helmet over his black hair, leaving his mouthguard out since the drill was going to be no-contact. Sirius divided the team into two groups with himself leading one and James leading the other. Instructing his group to separate into two lines, he took his place beside Naz, who was facing off with Sloan, and scooped up a ball into his stick. Without warning, he tossed it out in front of Naz and Sloan, who immediately took off after it as it bounced across the green grass in a random direction. 

Naz won the ground ball, sliding the lip of the head of his stick underneath the white ball and sliding neatly into the pocket like it was second nature. Sloan groaned defeatedly. 

“Okay, we all know Naz is better than all of us at ground balls. That’s not fair.”

Naz cradled the ball lazily as he took Sirius’ place to toss out for the next pair, and Sirius moved into one of the lines. “Aw, don’t be a baby, Sloanie. You’ll beat me one of these days! Think of it as an extra incentive to get better.”

Sloan swatted at Naz with his stick, but got back in line next to Sirius. “I think all he does is practice ground balls during off-season just so he can rub it on our faces,” Sloan said. 

Sirius snorted. “I honestly wouldn’t put it past him.”

After what felt like much too long to spend on ground balls, Sirius moved on with the previously planned out practice. Calling Katch over from the goal where Sluggie had been lobbing balls at him to warm him up, Sirius said, “Right, so attack with me and James. We’re going to go over some new plays Sluggie and I came up with last week and Katch can actually participate instead of standing in the goal doing nothing.” Katch flipped Sirius the bird, and Sirius smiled handsomely back at him. “Watch it, you. May I remind you of my newly instated captain-hood?”

“Of course that’s already gone to your head,” Smash said. “Who bet on Black pulling that card at the first practice?”

Laughter bounced around the team and Sirius chuckled lightly. “ _Anyways_ , let’s get back on track. Defense, I want you running 3-on-3s with the middies. Not full out, though, just 60% or so. And that includes contact,” Sirius added, pointing at Koz, who looked at him like a child caught with his hand in a cookie jar. “I’m serious, Koz. No concussions this year from you during practice. Or twisted ankles.”

“Serious since the day you were born, eh?” Koz replied, making Sirius groan. 

“I should make you run laps for that,” Sirius told him. “That was fucking awful. Okay, stop standing around, all of you. Get going!”

The team split once more, and Sirius, James, Lupin, Lip, Sartan, Katch, and Alfie Bildeau crossed to the other half of the field. Sirius was a bit antsy to play with Lupin for the first time, but he hoped it didn’t show. 

“First things first, everyone’s met Lupin, right?” Sirius asked. “Care to tell us a bit about you? Since we’ll be playing with you more closely than the rest of the team.” 

Remus shrugged, holding his black-and-gold stick across his shoulders behind his head and hanging his arms on either side. God, his arms were long. “Not much to know. Played since I was fourteen, got traded to the Wolves right after graduation. I’m from Wales. Moved to Calgary when I was eight. Accent stuck, I guess.”

Sirius had been right, then. _Welsh_. Interesting. “It’ll likely change sometimes, but do you have a position you prefer? Lip, Sartan, and Bild play right, left, and middle, respectively. I usually go mid, and James likes right.”

“I play middle.

Of fucking course he did. Why would there be anything about Remus that would make things easier? “Well, like I said. It’ll change sometimes.”

~

Practice passed with little more talking with Remus, something Sirius was incredibly grateful for. He hated to admit it, but the guy was _good_. Like, holy-shit-Sirius-can’t-stop-watching good. Every movement seemed so fluid and innate, like he could just always tell where the ball was going to be and how to move it down the field towards the goal. He’d even snuck in a couple of shots past Katch, which was a rare occurrence. Between his stocky build and the heavy goalie pads, Katch basically took up the entire mouth of the goal. Remus’ shots had flown through the air so quickly Sirius couldn’t even follow, his form graceful and strong. It was like it took no effort at all, but Sirius guessed the shot had to have been at least 90 miles an hour. What made matters worse, at least to Sirius, was that some of the shots had been far out, from the GLE.

So yeah, Remus was _good_ . Better than anyone Sirius had ever played with, with two exceptions. But that didn’t erase the fact that he was a dick and that he’d continued to piss Sirius off as they ran their new drills. He’d purposely checked Sirius hard across the arms and legs more than once during their team scrimmage the last twenty minutes of practice, and if Sirius had been the ref, he would’ve called Remus for slashing at _least_ once. And getting hit with a metal stick in the middle of January in Canada hurt like a _bitch_. Sirius could already pick out two long, quickly purpling developing bruises across his left forearm and right bicep. 

Sirius had pointed that out to James, but James had looked at Sirius with exasperation. “We play fucking lacrosse, man. If you’re going to whine about a couple of little bruises, I think you’ve gone into the wrong profession.”

“It’s not about the _bruises_ , you dick,” Sirius protested, wiping sweat from his forehead. “It's about the principle. He’s being unnecessarily aggressive.”

“Not so fun being on the receiving end, is it?” James asked. “You’re the most aggressive person on this team besides Koz, and that’s only because Koz is fucking crazy when he plays.” Sirius grumbled a nondescript answer. It was true, but that didn’t mean Sirius couldn’t still be bothered by it. 

As they walked into the locker room, James patted Remus on the back. “That was some sick playing out there, man. Glad to have you on our team.”

Remus nodded his thanks and immediately started changing. Sirius was used to the guys having no concern for modesty, so Remus changing his clothes piece by piece instead of shucking them all off by once was a bit strange. Remus was just a bit strange, Sirius decided. Sirius noticed as Remus took the back of his long-sleeved undershirt and tugged it over his head that he had black ink creeping up his side from underneath his waistband. He didn’t get a good look, but of course Remus had a tattoo. More than one, from what Sirius could see. Sirius liked tattoos; he even had a few of his own (two pawprints over his heart, one for him and one for James, a phoenix in the middle of his abdomen right beneath his sternum, and a spattering of random ones littering his forearms and biceps). But tattoos on Remus made him feel...well, Sirius couldn’t decide what, but he didn’t like it. _Fucking tattoos_.

Koz let out a howl as Bild snapped him with his jersey, and Koz grabbed him, wrapping an arm around his neck and bringing him down until Bild choked out a red-faced apology. Koz let Bild go, and Bild glared at him. “I’m not giving you a ride to Rosmerta’s now!” Bild claimed as he sorted out his long curls. 

“You started it! C’mon, Bild, you know my car’s in the shop!”

“It should be in the junkyard. Seriously, why do you even bother taking it in to get fixed at this point?” Smash asked. 

Koz looked wholly offended at Smash’s question. “I’ll have you know Kelly is _special_. Don’t talk about her like that!”

“Right, just because you lost your virginity in the back seat does _not_ mean you have to keep driving a car that sounds worse than nails on a chalkboard,” Bild pointed out. Koz snapped at him with his own jersey, making Sirius roll his eyes. 

James nudged Sirius just then, motioning to Remus, who was putting away his gear. Sirius mouthed _why do I have to invite him?_ James looked pointedly at the _Captain_ written under Sirius’ name on his bench shelf. Sirius rolled his eyes, but stood up anyway and walked over to Remus. 

Remus didn’t look up at him, which didn’t really make Sirius want to invite him all over again. But he said, “Um, hey. So some of us like to go to Rosmerta’s after morning practices for lunch. You know the place?”

“Yep.” Short, curt, just like every other time Remus had spoken today.

Sirius resisted the sigh he wanted to let out. “Right, so you want to come? It’s pretty good pizza, and Ros-”

“Nah,” Remus said, standing up and shouldering his bag. “Told you already. I don’t do the friend thing.”

Sirius stood there, a bit dumbfounded, as Remus made his exit _._ Lip, Sloan, and Katch looked at Sirius, having overheard the short exchange. 

“Little ray of sunshine, that one,” Lip commented. “And I thought _Sloan_ was cold when he got traded.”

“I was nowhere _near_ that bad,” Sloan agreed. Sirius shrugged, as if it didn’t bother him. 

“You know how new trades can be. I’m sure he’ll warm up to us soon. It would help if you all weren’t so fucking strange, though.”

“Hey, we are _not_ strange. We’re eccentric,” Katch protested. 

“Lovingly odd,” Sloan added. 

“Like stray dogs,” Naz said as he walked over to Lip, who was giving him a ride. “Fleas and all.” He ruffled Lip’s hair, and Lip batted his hand away roughly. 

~

The Lions arrived at Rosmerta’s, a little pizza place that they’d been frequenting for years. They went there so often Rosmerta normally had a table set aside for them during their season on days they had practice. Sirius, being the incessant flirt that he was, went up to Ros as the rest of the team sat down, smiling brightly at the short woman. 

“Ros, my dear, it has been too long!” Sirius sighed dramatically. “Tell me you haven’t forgotten me!”

Ros rolled her eyes, but couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her red lips. “How could I forget the team that makes me more money in three months than I make in ten?”

“You wound me! I thought we had something special, Ros, I really did,” Sirius said, placing a hand over his heart. “I was going to whisk you away to a sunny island, and you give me the cold shoulder.”

“Go sit down before I accidentally find myself letting the cook burn your pizza. Same order as always?”

Sirius nodded. “You’re truly a lifesaver, Ros. You tell that husband of yours that he better treat you right, or Sirius Black, star player of the Calgary Lions, will.”

Ros rolled her eyes again, but chuckled, and Sirius went to sit down with the rest of the Lions that had come. A few guys were missing, like Juls, who had a two year old daughter at home, but most of the team had made it. Sirius was fucking _starving_ ; he hadn’t eaten since the day before, and he was definitely starting to feel it. 

He took a seat between James and Naz, who Sirius and James had gone to secondary school with. Naz had been one of the only guys on their school team that had still spoken to him after graduation. Sirius wasn’t bothered that the rest of them hadn’t said a word to him since they lost finals Sirius’ last year of secondary school. It hadn’t been his fault, and besides, that wasn’t the entire reason they stopped speaking to him. It had been such a fucking nightmare of a mess, and even James didn’t know the full story. Naz was the only guy that did. Sirius and him had developed a strange sort of friendship out of the whole ordeal, and Sirius was grateful for that, even considering the circumstances. It was in the past, though. That was something he told himself a lot. 

“So can we talk about the new guy?” Naz asked, taking a sip of his water. “I mean, shit, did you see him in the scrimmage?”

“Fucking insane,” Koz agreed readily. “Sirius is the only person I’ve ever seen duke out Potter like that.” Koz rolled his shoulders, cracking his neck side to side. “And he’s fast as hell, too.”

“He’s even faster than Sanchez, who makes the rest of us look like we’re walking even when we’re going full out,” Naz added. Koz nodded, and Sirius remained silent, letting his team start to gauge how they felt about Remus without his already-biased opinion. Sanchez shrugged, grinning. 

“I’ve got incredible stamina, what can I say?”

“That’s what your sister said about me last night!”

James thanked Ros as she set their pizzas on their tables, and as everyone began grabbing slices, he said, “I can’t believe how fucking tall he is. I mean, what do they feed kids in Wales? Growth hormones?”

“It’s okay to be jealous, Potter. You’re still as much of a man at 5’11 as anyone else,” Koz reassured him, and James threw his straw wrapper at him. 

“5’11 is _not_ short! It’s taller than average!”

Sirius patted his friend on the back. “Don’t worry, Jamie. You’re still the most manly man I’ve ever met.” Sirius hid a laugh as James ducked away from his hand, a fake expression of anger pulling his eyebrows down. “I may have three inches on you, but you can definitely grow more hair than me. I’ve certainly heard Lily complain about that enough.”

“So, _Cap_ , what did you think of him?” Smash asked carefully. The rest of the team turned to Sirius, and for once, Sirius thought about his next words. He figured he probably shouldn’t bash Remus outright on his very first day with the team, and as their captain, Sirius knew that the team really did respect him and his opinion, even if they gave him shit all the time. 

“He’s good,” Sirius answered truthfully. “I think once James and I play with him more, we’re really going to be able to get into a good rhythm. He’s got good speed, he handles his stick well, and from the little bit I saw, he shoots almost as fast as- well, fast.” The end of his sentence came out stuttery and jilted, and Sirius knew everyone had heard it, but he pressed forward as if they hadn’t. “I think he’ll be a good addition to the team.” 

Everyone nodded in agreement, and James gave Sirius a small look out of the side of his eye that had Sirius avoiding his gaze for the next twenty minutes. He didn’t want to address his almost slip-up. Especially not in front of the team. Sirius grabbed a slice of pepperoni pizza and let himself be distracted by the many conversations going on around him.

~

Naz had apparently caught it, too, and Sirius’ phone buzzed later that day as Sirius sat on the couch, rewatching Gilmore Girls with Lily while James studied. 

**_Naz_ **

_You good?_

Sirius knew immediately what he was talking about, and felt his throat tighten a bit at the thought. He replied right away, typing out a quick answer. 

**_Capn Black_ **

_Yeah, thanks tho_

_Just_

_Hard_

**_Naz_ **

_Gotcha_

_Need to talk?_

**_Capn Black_ **

_Nah_

_Not right now_

**_Naz_ **

_Okay let me know if u do_

**_Capn Black_ **

_Yes mum_

**_Naz_ **

_Oh_

_um_

_James told me_

**_Capn Black_ **

_snitch_

**_Naz_ **

_Call him a snitch all you want im glad he told me_

_Im worried about u_

**_Capn Black_ **

_Dont be_

_Always throws me off for a bit but u know me_

_I bounce back_

**_Naz_ **

_Oh right i forgot ur our resident boomerang_

Sirius snorted, making Lily nudge him roughly with her foot. Sirius looked up to see Rory’s tear-filled eyes on the screen as she argued with Lorelai about schools. He turned back to his phone as it buzzed with more texts from Naz. 

**_Naz_ **

_Jokes aside_

_If u need anything let me know_

_Ive kinda been needing to get drunk off my ass lately anyways_

**_Capn Black_ **

_Now that_

_That i might take u up on_

**_Naz_ **

_Might invite remus too_

_Get to know him a little better_

_Seems cool_

**_Capn Black_ **

_He’ll say no but u can try_

**_Naz_ **

_U dont know that_

_Maybe hes just shy_

_Maybe today was just a weird day for him_

**_Capn Black_ **

_Maybe_

**_Naz_ **

_Do u not like him or something?_

_And dont say u dont have a problem with him_

_I know u well enough to know when ur lying_

_Hes literally ur exact type and everything so whats the issue_

**_Capn Black_ **

_I_

_Dont dislike him_

_And he is not my exact type u dickhead_

_Hes_

_Well_

**_Naz_ **

_U cant see me but my jaw is literally on the fucking floor_

_U fucking liar_

_A broody brunette? cmon_

**_Capn Black_ **

_a liar? so harsh naz_

_Id be offended if i was an eight year old_

_I just_

_Didnt think he made a great first impression_

_but james was already on my ass about it so_

_Also fuck off that is not my type_

**_Naz_ **

_Course he was_

_Maybe the guy just needs some friends_

_And yes it is u literally cannot lie to me i know who you fucking like_

_Thats only kind of person you date_

**_Capn Black_ **

_Oh believe me_

_He already told me and i quote_

_i dont do the whole friend thing’_

_Fucking dick_

_Also ive been seeing that one girl the philosophy major_

_She was neither broody or a brunette_

_Besides_

_U know_

**_Naz_ **

_Right_

_sorry_

_But we’re still getting drunk this weekend yes?_

_Invite james too_

_We can have a little crescent heights boys night_

**_Capn Black_ **

_Hell yeah ill let him know_

_And thanks naz_

**_Naz_ **

_Anytime man_

_I mean it_

“Who are you texting?” Lily asked as Sirius put down his phone, focusing back on Gilmore Girls. Currently, Rory was debating between Yale and Harvard. Sirius always thought Yale was the right choice for her, but Lily had always said she should’ve stuck with Harvard, of course. “Is it that girl you went out with last weekend?” She patted absently-mindedly at a piece of saniderm that covered the latest addition to her numerous tattoos. 

“Emily? No,” Sirius shook his head. The black-haired girl’s narrow face popped into his mind, her face animated as she described yet _another_ dead philosopher’s take on the world. “She was...well, she was fucking boring, to tell you the truth. Keep going on and on about her philosophy classes, which normally, I’d be interested in, but it was _all_ she would talk about. And,” Sirius added, his voice dipping dramatically, “she’s a fan of Freud.”

Lily’s face twisted disappointedly, her many earrings jangling pleasantly as she cocked her head. “Ah, bullet dodged, then.”

“Bullet dodged indeed,” Sirius agreed. “Besides, the sex was mediocre at best, so even just having a casual thing with her would be a waste of time.”

Lily nodded, a humored glint in her eye. “Just like the last five girls you’ve gone out with.”

“I know, what kind of shitty luck is that? Are there _no_ girls in Calgary that can give at least a half-decent blowjob?” Sirius rested his head on the back of the couch, sighing woefully. He’d tried his luck with many a girl since high school, and even as a professional lacrosse player, Sirius still wasn’t having much luck. It had to be the girls he was picking. “I just might pass away if-”

“Why are you talking to my wife about blowjobs?” James asked as he came out of his and Lily’s room, his hair wet from a shower. He went to the kitchen, grabbing the rest of the pasta that had been left over from dinner. Sitting down in front of Lily, he began eating. “You two are having a sordid affair, aren’t you?” Sirius didn’t answer, instead laughing at James, who had pasta falling out of his half-open mouth. “I knew it! How could you, Sirius? I thought we were running away together!”

Sirius kicked James lightly with a socked foot. “Piss off. You know the moment you come to your senses, I’ll be ready with two tickets to Greece.”

“You know, I truly think that people believe the two of you are together and I’m just a third roommate here to help with rent,” Lily said. “It’s quite difficult making them believe that _Sirius_ is the single one in this apartment.”

“And yet, you love me all the same,” James informed her. “I wouldn’t be the man you love without my best friend who I flirt with occasionally, would I?” Lily laughed, ruffling her husband’s hair. 

“No, my love, you certainly wouldn’t.” Lily placed a kiss on top of James’ wet hair, making James smile like a little boy who just got ice cream before dinner.

“Besides, everyone knows it’s only good fun,” Sirius added. “James and I are only romantically inclined towards each other when we’re drunk.”

James patted Sirius’ shin, reminding Sirius of a small child. “So why the discussion of blowjobs again?” Sirius pushed his hand away before shrugging. 

“Lily was just asking if I was texting Emily. You know, that girl from last weekend.”

“Were you?”

Sirius shook his head. “Just texting Naz. Thank you, by the way, for telling him about that text I got last night.” James looked away sheepishly. “It’s not a huge deal, Jamie, it’s just…”

“I know,” James answered. “I just figured Naz should know, you know?” James ate another bite of his pasta, then continued. “It affects him, too.”

James was right, but Sirius still felt a bit miffed. He hadn’t wanted to have to talk or think about the situation more than he absolutely had to. “Yeah, but just let me tell him next time, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay. Sorry, Siri, I really am,” James offered apologetically. 

“It’s okay. Naz wants to get shitfaced this weekend by the way, and so do I, so you’re going to, too,” Sirius said. “And no excuses. It’s been too long since the three of us have drank until we can’t stand up, and I need some bro time.”

James snorted, looking at Lily for a moment before looking back at Sirius. Sirius caught the look, but he’d long since stopped trying to decipher every one of James and Lily’s shared looks. Once they’d started doing that a few months after they began dating, Sirius had finally understood how strange it was to watch him and James communicate so silently like that. “Right, I forgot about your desperate need for frequent bro time. Lils, that okay?”

Lily nodded. “‘Course. I should probably spend some time this weekend with my mum, anyways. Petunia’s on her honeymoon, thank god, or I’d still be avoiding home. That Vernon is a fucking dickhead.” 

The three of them quieted, focusing once more on Rory Gilmore and her crazy, small-town life. Sirius did his best to push the events of the past twenty-four hours from his mind, but between the news he’d received yesterday and the new addition to the Lions that came in the form of a tall, bitter, brooding Welshman, he was having a hard time. He envied Rory, whose biggest problem at the moment was deciding where to go to school. 

Sirius felt fucking guilty every time his love life came up around anyone he was close to besides Naz, but he especially felt guilty around James and Lily. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the two of them; he trusted them with his whole life and then some. He’d been toying with the idea of telling the two of them, but he wasn’t even sure...sure about anything, yet. Sirius would never admit it, but he was also scared. He knew, logically, that James and Lily wouldn’t give two shits, but emotions didn’t listen to logic. 

He just wasn’t ready, and frankly, he was in no fucking rush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is so long because i couldnt stop making edits and adding things lmao but i hope u all enjoyed it! and hello to those of you here from tiktok:)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay wow another long chapter jesus christ lmao (literally 7800 words holy shit) i hope you all enjoy! (kind) comments and suggestions are always welcome as well :) also excuse the french if it isnt perfect im incredibly rusty !

Sirius opened his eyes slowly, the noon sun spreading across the floor of his bedroom as Sirius checked his phone. _12:10_. It was his day off thankfully, and Sirius was intent on spending every moment of the day before meeting up with Naz doing nothing but resting. His thigh ached from physical therapy the day before, where Leon had made him use a machine that was essentially a modified leg-press machine. It was his least favorite, but Leon told him if he wanted his muscle mass to stay balanced, he needed to do it, and often. 

He hadn’t had a bad dream since the night he’d received the text, and considering the circumstances, Sirius was incredibly thrilled about that fact. Maybe, after all this time, he was finally getting better. He hoped he was. It had been the hardest year of his life since getting kicked out, but even that slightly paled in comparison to the events of the past twelve months, because at least that situation had been quick. Walburga and Orion had kicked him out, and that had been that. At least between the three of them. Sirius winced as he remembered Reggie’s reaction. 

This, however, had happened over months and months, and it had eaten away at Sirius so slowly that he hadn’t realized he was struggling until he’d been practically incapable of functioning. Sirius still berated himself for letting the situation get to him so much. He knew it wasn’t helpful to beat himself up over it, but Sirius was nothing if not incredibly and impossibly hard on himself all the time. 

But it was okay, or Sirius felt okay, at least. He’d probably gotten into town the night before, but Sirius was still perfectly fine, and that was a big win in Sirius’ book. 

James, without knocking, flung Sirius’ door open, a big grin on his face. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty! I have brought sustenance, aka coffee and danishes from Starbucks.”

Sirius rubbed his face, clearing the last traces of sleep, and pushed back his covers. James held up his hand over his eyes, but peaked through gaps in his fingers as Sirius got up. “Oh, fuck off. I’ve got pants on.”

“One time-”

“The _one time_ I slept without pants on, you decided the next morning it would be a good idea to scare the shit out of me to wake me up by jumping on my fucking bed. That, Jamie, is your own fucking fault,” Sirius interupted. “Besides, I can sleep in the nude if I want. They don’t cover works of art with clothing in museums, do they?” 

“If your ego gets any bigger, I think Lily will have to move out. There’ll be no room for her!” Sirius threw a pillow at him, which James artfully dodged. “Hey! I got up early just so I could bring you these. How dare you treat me so horridly!”

“Oh, fuck off,” Sirius said, but James shot him a grin and nodded in the direction of the kitchen. 

“Come on, coffee’s getting cold.”

Sirius pulled his tired body out of bed, his legs aching as he stood up. Tugging an old Lions hoodie to ward off the cold that seemed to seep through the cracks of their apartment walls even with the heat turned all the way up, Sirius followed James into the kitchen. He was greeted by the smell of warm, rich coffee and a soft, fruitier scent that told him James hadn’t been lying about the danishes. Sirius always doubted him when he said he had food after the time James had lied to Sirius about having pizza in the kitchen just to get him out of his bed for the first time in days. 

“So,” Sirius said as he grabbed his coffee. “What’s the favor you’re about to ask me?” He took a sip of the warm beverage, sighing as the sweet taste of caramel flooded his mouth. 

James looked at Sirius innocently over the top of his coffee cup. “How’d you know?” Sirius rolled his eyes, putting down his cup and grabbing a danish. 

“You only bring me coffee and food in the morning when you need something.”

“That is not true!” James protested. “Sometimes, I do it out of the goodness of my heart, you know.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Name one time you’ve surprised me with coffee that hasn’t involved me doing something for you.”

James sighed, accepting defeat. “Fine, you’re right. Just hear me out before you say no, okay?” Sirius felt apprehensive at James’ warning, but he nodded anyways. “I know tomorrow we have a morning practice and you have your appointment with Rashida after that, but I think it might be a good idea for you to call an attack-only practice tomorrow afternoon.”

Sirius shook his head immediately. “Nope. No way. One, I am not practicing two times in one day without someone, I dunno, threatening my fucking life over it. And two-”

“And two,” James interrupted. “We need to play more with Remus before we go against the Vipers in a few days. Don’t argue. You know it’s true. We don’t have a good rhythm down yet, and how are we supposed to play well if we don’t even really know how Remus plays? Calling a pick-up practice tomorrow will give us a chance to see more of how he works and we can figure out how this new dynamic is gonna work.”

Sirius knew James had a point, but doing a two-a-day on top of a therapy session would wipe him out, emotionally and physically. He normally tried to schedule with Rashida on his days off, but this week, it had been unavoidable. Therapy sessions tended to take a lot out of him, and most of the time, Sirius would take a multiple-hour nap right after when he got home. “Why does it have to be tomorrow, though?”

“I figured sooner would be better,” James said, taking a sip of his coffee to hide his face. It didn’t fool Sirius, though. Not by a long shot. 

“Bullshit.”

James held Sirius’ gaze for a moment before looking away. “ _Fine_. Okay. You have to promise not to get mad, though, okay?”

“It doesn’t make me feel much better when you preface it like that, but fine,” Sirius agreed, biting into his danish. 

“He texted me, too,” James told him, his voice less combative. Sirius looked up suddenly, panic welling in his chest. The fact that he was worming his way back into their lives unsettled Sirius. He’d been doing so well with him gone, and now it felt like all that progress was starting to teeter on the edge of the emotional cliff Sirius always existed on. 

“What? Why? When?” Sirius asked the questions rapid-fire, like a machine gun. James messed with his hair, like he always did when he was nervous. 

“This morning. Told me he lands tomorrow, asked if I wanted to meet up and get lunch or something. I assumed he was going to text you, too.” James looked at Sirius earnestly. “I swear, I didn’t reply or anything. I don’t know why he still thinks he and I are friends, but I promise I haven’t said a single word to him since everything.”

Sirius knew James hadn’t because he knew James was even more protective of him than he was of James. He and James had been friends, which had made the whole situation so much worse, but the moment James had found out, he’d cut off every bit of contact with him. “So you wanted to give me a distraction so I wouldn’t be able to obsess over him being in town tomorrow,” Sirius finished. James nodded. Sirius appreciated it, even if it felt a bit like James shielding him. That, Sirius supposed, probably wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Sometimes he needed someone to do that for him, because he certainly wasn’t going to do it for himself. 

“Look, if you-”

Sirius shifted from one foot to the other, shrugging. “Nah, you’re probably right. We need to play with him more, and I’m still not as in shape as I’d like to be for our first game. I’ll text the boys in a bit.” 

“If you were going to agree that easily, I wouldn’t have gotten you all this,” James joked, gesturing to the spread he’d purchased. “I forget you’re a cheap date, Black.”

Sirius swatted at James. “I am anything but! You forget my refined taste.”

“How could I? You only use the most expensive shit, even with your shampoo.”

Sirius gestured to his black hair that brushed his shoulders. “You look at this, Prongs, and tell me this mane isn’t worth the love and care I give it. How could I ever woo anyone without it?”

“Speaking of wooing,” James started, making Sirius groan. “What?”

“Right, my bad, I shouldn’t have brought that up,” Sirius grumbled. “Please don’t start this, Prongs.” 

“Start what? I’m only curious how the love life of my best friend in the entire world is going. Is that such a crime?”

It wasn’t, of course, but Sirius had been getting more and more uncomfortable with talking about his love life as he realized more and more that perhaps he wasn’t attracted to people in the same way he used to be. Every girl he’d gone out with as of late had bored him nearly to tears, which made Sirius feel like there was something incredibly wrong with him. They were pretty girls, and most of them had been smart as well, so Sirius _should_ have been interested in them. But he hadn’t been. 

“Not a crime, you idiot, there’s just nothing to talk about,” Sirius answered. He hated dodging James’ questions, but more than that, he missed talking about his love life with Lily. Right after they graduated, she and him used to have one night a week where they’d watch some stupid romcom and get a shit load of food and gush about James and whatever girl Sirius was seeing that week. 

They still hung out and had nights where they kicked James out and hung out just the two of them, but more and more, Sirius had been trying to drive every conversation away from his dating ventures. 

“You and Lily were talking about that girl Emily the other night. What happened with her?”

Sirius stretched his arms above his head, giving himself a few moments to think of what he was going to say. He dropped his arms with a small sigh, feeling the tight muscles in his back ache. “What happened? I dunno, nothing really. We went out a few times, but we just didn’t really mesh, I guess.”

“Did you at least get laid?”

Sirius punched James in the shoulder, making him yelp and rub the affected area. “I _did_ , not that it’s any of your business.”

James looked at him pointedly. “It is when you tend to get all pissy and uppity when you’ve not had sex in a while. You’re hell to live with if you haven’t gotten your jollies off for too long.”

Sirius pulled a disgusted face. “Gross. Why’d you have to put it like that?” James laughed and Sirius drained the rest of his coffee, tossing the empty container into the kitchen trash. “We messed around a bit, but I guess I just realized I wasn’t really into her.” 

It wasn’t that the sex had been bad; it had been better than the last few girls he’d been out with. There was just something missing. Sirius didn’t know what, and he felt a bit weird for thinking so, but there was. Maybe he just needed to focus on himself for a while, and he told James so. 

“You’ve been focusing on yourself for a while, and don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly proud of you, but you also deserve to have someone, you know?”

Sirius smiled sweetly at James. “How could I ever need anyone when I have you?”

James feigned swooning, placing a hand over his chest like he was indeed touched by Sirius’ question. “I think I’m falling for you, Sirius Black! I shan’t rest ‘til- Lils! Hey!” James exclaimed as his wife walked through the door, her red hair pulled back into a braid. 

Sirius grinned at Lily, who returned his smile. “Hey, Lils. Thought you worked this morning?” Sirius asked as Lily came into the kitchen, grabbing a danish and pecking Sirius on the cheek first, then James. 

“Why do you always kiss Sirius first?” James whined as Lily placed a kiss on his cheek, then his nose, then his mouth.

“Hey, you get Lily’s love all the time. You can be patient sometimes,” Sirius informed him. 

“I was supposed to work this morning,” Lily said, taking off her black cardigan and hanging it up on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “My first client cancelled, though, so they said I could go home until my 3:00 appointment.” Lily looked at James, then Sirius, then James once more. “What did James ask you to do this time?”

James groaned as Sirius chuckled. “Just asked me to call an extra practice tomorrow so we can get to know the new guy.”

“You haven’t told me much about him yet,” Lily said. “What’s he like?”

James looked at Sirius, like he was saying _you take this one_. “He’s good,” Sirius answered truthfully. Since Lily wasn’t on the team and he didn’t have to put on airs, he added, “Fucking dick, though.”

“Is he a dick or were you just being territorial and stoic?” Lily asked. 

Sirius’ mouth dropped open in surprise. “I was not!”

“He was,” James whispered theatrically. Sirius lashed a foot out and connected with the solid bone of James’ shin. “Ouch, you bastard! It’s true! And you know I’m not allowed to lie to Lily. She’s my wife.”

“I wasn’t being territorial,” Sirius insisted. “Remus didn’t shake my hand when I introduced myself to him, then he made little sarcastic comments about what I said to the team after warming up, and to top it all off, while we were scrimmaging, he was fucking agressive as hell and wouldn’t stop checking me,” he recounted. “We were all being welcoming, and it was like he wasn’t even trying to get a feel of the team or how we played or anything. He’s been the same all week.”

“Seems like he just needs some time to warm up to you guys,” Lily said, making James cry out, “hah!”. “You’re judging him too quickly. If he’s good, what’s the problem?”

Did they really not understand? Yes, Remus was _good_ , but that wasn’t all that mattered in a team sport. He had to be a team player too, and Sirius suspected he wasn’t going to be. He didn’t understand why Remus didn’t get under James’ skin like he got under Sirius’. Sirius did tend to be territorial, but really only about James and Lily and Reggie, though he didn’t really love to think about that last one. He loved the Lions, but he felt rather annoyed that James and Lily were saying he was just being stubborn and protective. This wasn’t Sirius being irrational; there was something about Remus that just made Sirius antsy. He was allowed to just not like people, just like they were.

Maybe Sirius was just being a bit childish, but he shrugged and said, “Fine. Sure, you guys are right. I’m just being ridiculous old Sirius Black who doesn’t know how to fucking share, right?” Both James’ and Lily’s faces dropped, and Sirius felt bad momentarily. He knew that wasn’t what they were saying, but that’s what it felt like. 

“Pads, you know that’s not what we meant,” James said, a bit softer now, the joking edge of his tone dropping. “I just don’t really understand why you already have such an issue with him, that’s all.”

Lily nodded, her lined eyes looking at Sirius intently. “I’m sorry, Siri, really. I don’t even know the guy. I shouldn’t even be saying anything.” 

Sirius bit the inside of his cheek, worrying at the line of scar tissue that had built up there from years of gnawing at it. “I know,” he said. “I didn’t mean to get so defensive. I just...it’s not always because of stuff, you know? Like I’m allowed to not like someone just because I don’t. It doesn’t always have to be some sort of trauma response or whatever.”

James looked at his feet guiltily. “Sorry, man. It’s not fair of us to assume that.”

This was one of the reasons that Sirius loved James so much. He was normally right, but when he wasn’t, he always apologized immediately. Out of the two of them, Sirius was the more stubborn one, and James apologizing, even when he didn’t necessarily need to, helped Sirius more than he’d admit. “It’s okay, Jamie,” Sirius told him, the corner of his mouth flicking up into a small grin. 

“I still think you should get to know him, though,” James added. “He is on your team. You could probably get away with not liking him if he played D, but…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius said, waving a long-fingered hand in the air. “I know. I’ll go text the boys and call a practice for tomorrow.”

~

Later that night, Sirius and James walked into the Hog’s Head, a locally run bar that they’d been frequenting since the week they’d moved to Calgary. Tom, the owner, was a short, pale man that always had the best beer and even better music. Honestly, Sirius was really looking forward to a night with James and Naz. He hadn’t seen Naz much during the off season, and he also just kind of needed something to wring all the tension from him. It felt like his shoulders were always hunched and tight with worry about something or the other. 

Naz was already sitting at their usual table by the brick-lined fireplace, and he waved them over once he saw the two of them walk in. Sirius waved back, nudging James in the direction of their friend. 

“Well, hello, gents!” Naz greeted them, standing up to give them each a short hug before sitting back down. His thick, dark hair was twisted into newly-done dreadlocks that reached his collarbones. Naz changed his hair up quite often, and Sirius had to admit, this was one of his favorites so far. “I’ve just ordered us a round. Should be here in just a moment!”

Sirius shrugged off his black leather jacket, ruffling his black curls into an artfully messy style. “Ah, you’re the best, Naz!”

Naz smiled, popping a fry into his mouth. “I was just ready to start drinking. Been needing to get at least close to blacking out after the past two weeks, you know?” Sirius nodded. Did he ever. 

“Rough couple of weeks?” James asked. 

Naz nodded, sighing slightly. “Just been a lot going on and all that. I feel like I’ve barely had two damn seconds to sit down and put my feet up. There’s just always something happening that I’m somehow involved in.”

“Is school still going well?” Sirius asked, sneaking one of Naz’s fries. Naz narrowed his eyes at Sirius, but let it pass. Sirius had been stealing his food out from under his nose since they met in year nine. 

Naz wiggled a hand up and down in the air in a _so-so_ motion. “It’s going as well as any business degree can. It’s just a shit load of math, and after practice sometimes my brain is just not up for balancing accounting books.”

“You graduate soon, though, don’t you?” 

“One more semester,” Naz answered with a proud smile. “I can barely believe it. My mom’s nearly beside herself with joy. I think she’s told every one of her friends on Facebook at least six times that I’m graduating a semester early. It isn’t that big of a deal, though, you know? It’s just one semester.”

Sirius and James shared an exasperated look. Naz was one of the smartest people Sirius had ever met, and it wasn’t hard to tell, but Naz constantly was saying little comments like that that sort of undermined his hard work. “Oh, shut it, you idiot. It’s something to be proud of. You’ve worked hard,” Sirius told him. 

“Honestly, man,” James said. “I mean, you’re going to school full-time and playing. That’s not easy. Not everyone can do that.”

Naz shook his head, but Sirius could see a faint hint of a smile on his face. “Ah, well, thanks, guys. Just happy to be done and get my degree.”

Tom came over to their table, setting three tall glasses of beer on the table, as well as some shots of a clear liquid James wrinkled his nose at. “Really, Naz? Vodka?”

Naz laughed. “Told you I wasn’t messing around. I want to wake up with a nasty hangover tomorrow, or else I know we didn’t do it right tonight.”

“Fine, but we’re crashing at yours if you’re going to make us drink this,” James warned him. “There’s no way we can get all the way back to ours with you forcing this stuff down our throats.”

Naz laughed again, and Sirius joined in as James downed the shot, his face twisting with displeasure at the sharp, bitter taste. “You’re so fucking dramatic, Jamie. It’s just vodka. You have plenty of this in high school, if I remember correctly.”

“Only because those massive jugs of Tito’s are $25 and they last forever,” James argued. 

Sirius shrugged. “I dunno. I never minded it. Got us drunk, didn’t it?”

Naz and James both winced. “God, did it ever,” Naz said. 

“Do you remember-”

“Yeah, when Sirius-”

“And the guy?”

Naz and James both burst into raucous laughter, and Sirius took that moment to down his shot, chasing it with a sip of beer. “Every time you dicks bring that up, I tell you that is _not_ what happened, but do you listen? No,” Sirius grumbled. 

James patted him on the back sympathetically. “It’s okay to admit it, Pads. It was a cute guy, anyways. At least he wasn’t ugly.”

“Why does it matter if he was cute or not?” Sirius asked defensively. “It was still a guy. I’m not into that. I was just drunk.”

Naz looked at Sirius as James took a big swig of his beer, raising his eyebrows, as if challenging Sirius’ statement. Sirius chose to ignore him. Fortunately, James missed this little exchange, but it still set Sirius’ heart racing at a pace that he didn’t really care for. Sirius had told Naz he didn’t want to talk about it, especially not in front of James. 

“Oh, wait,” Naz said, sitting up in his seat and looking past James’ head of messy black hair to the front of the pub. “Is that the new guy? Remus, right?”

Sirius’ head whipped towards the front of the pub, and sure enough, there was Remus with two other guys. He was in dark ripped jeans and a fleece-lined jean jacket, a black beanie on top of his head. His auburn curls stuck out from the edge of the beanie, flipping up and curling in all sorts of directions. Remus pulled off his jacket, revealing a knit sweater underneath that should have looked frumpy, but it didn’t. It looked...Sirius didn’t know. It just didn’t look like he thought it should look. Sweaters certainly didn’t hug his own frame like the one Remus was wearing. 

“Who’s with him, do you think?” Sirius asked. He didn’t recognize the guys. “Maybe they’re from Remus’ old team?”

“I dunno, could be. I thought he didn’t leave on good terms with them, though.” James said. “We should have them sit with us! Hey, gents!”

Before Sirius even noticed what James was doing, James was on his feet, heading over to Remus and his friends. James greeted Remus with a smile, slapping his palm then fist-bumping him. It was a bright sort of smile that seemed incredibly at odds with his usual behavior. If Sirius wasn’t mistaken, he had a bit of a dimple on one side. He’d never noticed that before. 

Of course Remus liked James, Sirius thought a bit sourly. Everyone liked James, didn’t they? And then, before Sirius could even process the fact that Remus was smiling at one of his friends, which he hadn’t done at all during any of their practices that week, James was leading Remus and his buddies over to their table. 

“Hey, Lupin! How’s it going?” Naz greeted, reaching out to do the same quasi-handshake James and Remus had done a minute ago. 

“Naz,” Remus said, nodding a hello. “Sirius.”

“Hey, Lupin,” Sirius said. Much to his surprise, Remus looked at him, a plain expression on his face, and said,

“What’s up, Black.” The few words Remus had spoken to Sirius previously had been flat, short, and incredibly indicative of the fact that he didn’t really care for Sirius. This time, however, it was different. His words floated softly through the pub’s air, and Sirius found himself wanting to lean forward and hear more. 

“Do you guys want to sit with us? We’ve already ordered, but I’m up for another round if you guys are,” James said, turning to Sirius and Naz. They both nodded. Sirius wasn’t even tipsy yet, and the night was still very young. 

Remus’ friends seemed nice enough as they sat down, but the blond on Remus’ right caught Sirius’ attention rather quickly. He was stockier, with broad shoulders and big hands, and for once, Sirius actually let himself admire another man in a way that he very seldom let himself do. 

“Nice to meet you,” Naz told Remus’ friends, extending a hand first to the blond one, then to the other. “I’m Naz, that’s Sirius, and the guy with the hair that looks like he stuck a fork in a socket is James.”

James proceeded to try and tame his hair as Remus’ friends returned the introduction. “I’m Bastien,” said the blond, gesturing to himself. “And this is Jackson.” Bastien spoke with a pleasant French-Canadian accent that only made Sirius more interested. It wasn’t the same French accent Sirius grew up hearing, as his father had grown up in France, but Sirius almost preferred the way Canadians twisted French to fit their speech patterns. 

“Right, this round’s on me, then. Any preferences?” James asked. Everyone replied that beer was fine, and off he went. 

Feeling a bit brash after a shot of vodka and a pint of beer, Sirius focused on the blond, excited to find that he had brown eyes that were only slightly darker than the amber shade of his drink. “Vous êtes français, non?” ( _You are French, no?_ ) Sirius asked lightly. He didn’t miss the way Remus’ eyebrows rose a bit in surprise. Sirius hated much of his stupidly high-class upbringing, but French was not one of them. He loved the language, yes, but he also loved the way it seemed to entrance anyone he flirted with, boy or girl. And yes, he did use it to annoy James constantly. James had never bothered to pick up much French, even though most of the people they went to school with spoke it often. 

Not that he’d flirted with many boys at all, but still. 

Bastien looked pleasantly shocked, taking a sip of the drink James had just placed in front of him. “Ouais,” ( _Yeah_ ) he answered with a smile that caused heat to blossom in Sirius’ stomach. Sirius had always loved the smooth, relaxed way Canadians said that particular word. “En fait, français canadien. Êtes vous Français? Ton francais est plus...lisse que ce que j’entends habituellement.” ( _Well, French Canadian. Are you French? Your french is smoother than what I usually hear)_. 

The compliment made Sirius straighten up a bit, and he nodded. “Mon père a grandi à Annecy." ( _My father grew up in Annecy_ ). 

“You know, I hate when Sirius finds someone to speak French with,” Naz said. “Always such a show-off.”

Sirius flipped Naz a finger, which made Bastien laugh lightly. It was a low, rich sound that made Sirius’ stomach flip. “Piss off, Naz. It’s not my fault you never learned French. Almost half of Canada speaks it.”

“You grew up speaking French at home. You had an unfair advantage,” Naz pointed out. “Taking French in high school was practically useless. No one learned anything ever, anyway.”

“You spoke French at home?” Remus asked. The question shocked Sirius, as he’d thought Remus would ignore him for the most part tonight like he had all week at practice. 

“Uh, yeah,” Sirius answered. “My dad grew up there. We weren’t allowed to speak English at home.” That was a very, very mild way of putting it. 

Remus’ eyes studied him for a moment before saying, “Oh.” It wasn’t a sound of interest or disdain; it was just...neutral. It kind of drove Sirius crazy. 

“Do you speak it at all?”

“A bit, but Bastien always gives me shit for my accent, non?” Remus replied, looking at his friend with a rueful half-smile. 

“C’est comme un enfant de neuf ans. Il mâche ses mots, je pense,” ( _He sounds like a nine year old. He chews on his words, I think_ ). Bastien joked, making Sirius let out a delighted laugh. “But it is not the worst I have heard, to be fair.” Bastien seemed incredibly easy-going and funny, which made Sirius wonder how he and Remus got along. 

Remus rolled his eyes. “I do not chew on my words. Frenchmen are all so snobby,” he said, and it took a moment for Sirius to realize he was joking. Remus had a drier sense of humor than Sirius was used to, even though Sirius had received many comments on his own propensity for sarcasm. James and Naz both laughed, causing the corner of Sirius’ mouth to twitch upwards. 

“So, how do you two know Remus?” Naz asked, swirling his drink in his glass. “Lacrosse?”

Jackson shook his head. “Nah. We went to college together and got put in the same dorm freshman year. It ended up being a pretty good living arrangement, so we kind of all just stuck together and became pretty close. We all graduated last semester, but Remus, the little show-off, graduated a year ago.”

 _I thought Remus didn’t do friends,_ Sirius thought. He’d gotten over Remus’ little speech on his first day, but seeing that Remus did, in fact, have friends made the words sting all over again. Apparently, Remus had meant he didn’t do the friend thing just with Sirius and the Lions. 

Sirius hadn’t known Remus went to college. Though, to be fair, Sirius didn’t really know much about Remus at all. Besides his incredibly brief introduction during his first practice, Remus hadn’t revealed anything about himself at all. 

Voicing Sirius’ thoughts, James said, “Oh, didn’t know you went to college, Lups.” Sirius raised an eyebrow at James’ nickname, but it didn’t seem to bother Remus. James had that effect on people. While Sirius felt he always had to work to get people to like him because, as his dear mother always used to say, he was loud and obnoxious and difficult to deal with, James was personable and kind and seemed to make friends wherever he went over the smallest thing. 

“Yeah, I majored in Physiotherapy and minored in History and Philosophy.”

Sirius let out a gasping cough as he choked on his sip of beer. James patted him on the back, snorting at Sirius’ reaction. _Fucking Philosophy._ Of course Remus liked Philosophy. After Emily, Sirius had been desperately hoping he’d never encounter the topic again. 

“Sorry about that,” James apologized for Sirius, grinning. “Last girl he went out with was a Philosophy major. Guess it’s not quite Sirius’ thing.” 

Bastien sent a curious glance towards Sirius, and if it meant what Sirius thought it meant, he wanted to somehow signal to Bastien that he didn’t _just_ like girls. Or, at least, he didn’t think he just liked girls. Sirius was still working through that little issue. Bastien, though, with his easy smile and big hands, was helping Sirius decide rather quickly. He didn’t think a straight guy would be admiring the way Bastien’s blond hair curled slightly around his ears, but Sirius wasn’t entirely sure. Maybe everyone thought the way he did. 

“So what is Sirius’ thing, then? If not Philosophy,” Bastien asked, sending Sirius an amused look. 

“Lacrosse,” Sirius answered, earning a laugh from the table. “For now, at least. I know I won’t be able to do it forever, but school was never my thing. I liked learning, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t really do classrooms. I’ve thought about maybe becoming a coach one day, or a music therapist.” He’d told James a few times that he’d like to be a coach once his years of playing caught up with him and he couldn’t move as well as he did now, but he’d never divulged the bit about music therapy to anyone other than a certain man he was trying very hard not to think about. 

“Music therapy?” Bastien asked. “That’s such an interesting field! It’s really cool that you want to help people like that.”

Sirius nodded, fiddling with the napkin in front of him. “Yeah, um, I’ve always found music helps me when I’m, y’know, and I’ve looked into it a bit and I dunno. It just looks interesting, I guess,” he finished lamely, well aware that his face probably looked like a damn tomato. Sirius had always been terrible about talking about things he was truly passionate about, especially if it was personal like this. If he did have to talk about something personal, he always interlaced his words with jokes and sarcasm, as that seemed to help him push through the embarrassment of being vulnerable with people. Rashida said it was something he needed to work on, but there were worse coping mechanisms, so Sirius kind of just ignored her when she said that. 

Everyone was looking at him, and Sirius normally loved the attention, but the affection shining in James’ eyes and the curiosity burning in Remus’ made him desperate to shove the attention off to anyone else as soon as he could. 

“You’ve never told me that,” commented James lightly. Sirius winced a bit, because he knew James probably felt like he’d been hiding it from him. They shared everything. 

“Ah, you know,” Sirius said cryptically. “I’ve just been thinking about it recently. Not even sure if I really want to do it, you know?” James accepted his answer, but he knew he’d be grilled on it the moment they got back home. 

“Well, I think it’s incredible,” Bastien said to Sirius. “Music’s good for a lot, isn’t it? I don’t know much about it, but Remus here is very into all that stuff. He’s practically a walking encyclopedia of musical knowledge.”

That piqued Sirius’ interest. Music was something that Sirius absolutely could not live without; it was one of the few things that kept him sane the sixteen long years he’d lived in the Black household. It was the first way he’d really begun to rebel against his parents, and even when Walburga would lock him in his room without any way to pass the time, he’d always have the music he kept in his head. “Really? What kind of music do you like, then?”

Remus sipped his beer. “All kinds, really. My mum always had music playing in the house growing up.” 

There was something to be said about how carefully Remus shared personal information. Sirius was mildly impressed. He’d answer just enough to satisfy the question, but never gave away more than he had to. Sirius hated it, but it made him want to know even more about the brooding Welshman. 

“He’s got every Moody Blues vinyl ever,” Jackson volunteered. “Same with Lynyrd Skynyrd, Queen, David Bowie, and The Smiths. Takes up half the bookshelf in his room.”

If it were anyone else, Sirius would’ve immediately jumped out of his seat. He’d met very few people who shared his appreciation for the Moody Blues. But as it was Remus, and Sirius was still incredibly wary of him, he chose not to comment. James looked at him like, _you fucking love the Moody Blues_ . _Shouldn’t you be more excited?_

“Sounds just like this one.” Naz slapped Sirius on the back. Sirius glared at him before going on for a sip of his beer. “We lived together for a few months, and he never fucking turned his music off. Studying was a damn nightmare.”

“Believe me, that hasn’t changed,” James informed everyone.

Jackson and Bastien both laughed, and they launched into their respective horror stories about living with Sirius and Remus. After two beers, Sirius desperately needed the restroom, so he excused himself, though no one seemed to even notice him slipping away while they talked animatedly about living with someone who had no respect for quiet during the night. 

After taking care of his business, Sirius exited the stall and went to wash his hands As he looked up in the mirror mounted on the wall, he saw Remus walking up behind him. Sirius debated saying something to him, but he didn’t want to be the weird bloke starting up conversation in the bathroom. Remus took the sink to his left, washing his hands silently. 

While he was grabbing a paper towel, he said, “Sorry about Bastien. He has a hard time keeping it in his pants.”

Sirius gaped slightly at Remus, taken aback at how bluntly he’d spoken about his friend. His heart thudded at the sudden mention of a man being interested in him, especially from someone that certainly did not know Sirius’ particular romantic affiliations. “Ah, can’t blame the guy,” Sirius joked, ignoring the way he had to try extra hard to keep his voice chill, steady. “I mean, look at this hair? Who could resist?”

Remus snorted. “I tried to tell him you weren’t going to be interested. Doesn’t listen much, the idiot,” Remus stated as he brushed his auburn waves out of his eyes. 

Sirius’ hands were trembling slightly as he dried them. “No, I mean, um, I don’t...I don’t mind it. It’s not a problem.”

Remus looked at him, and Sirius couldn’t read his closely guarded expression. “Oh. Right.”

“What do you mean, ‘oh’?” Sirius asked, his palms starting to sweat. He tried to wipe them discreetly on his black jeans. Did he mean it as in, _Oh, right. I could tell right away you swung that way_ ? Or was it a disapproving _oh_ , like Remus looked down on the fact that Sirius didn’t mind a guy flirting with him? 

“I mean, ‘oh’.” 

Irritation bit at Sirius, but he kicked himself for expecting anything other than confusion when it came to his new team mate. Sirius was quickly learning Remus did not give straightforward answers. Like, ever. “I thought you didn’t do friends,” Sirius muttered, not catching the words before they escaped his mouth. He shouldn’t have said it, but Sirius said a lot of things all the time that he probably shouldn’t have. 

Remus regarded him coolly. “I don’t. Bastien and Jackson are my roommates, and by extension, we’re close simply because I have to see them every day. Careful, Black, or I might think you’re a bit jealous.”

“Jealous?” Sirius scoffed? “Why would I be jealous of them having to put up with your crap attitude?”

Remus shrugged. “You seem like the kind of person who gets pissed if not everyone likes you.”

It was true, but Sirius didn’t have to admit that to Remus. He was a people-pleaser, as much as he pretended otherwise. It made him feel a bit unsettled that Remus had already picked up on that. “As long as you play well and respect my team, I don’t give a shit if you like me or not.” 

“Sure.”

“It’s true.”

Sirius was standing sort of in the way of the door after going to throw his paper towel away in the trash, and Remus raised an eyebrow at him. 

“What?”

Remus gestured at the door behind him, and embarrassment crept up the back of Sirius’ neck. He’d thought...well, it didn’t matter. 

“Right, sorry.” Sirius stepped out of the way, and Remus gave him an odd look before opening the door and leaving. 

Sirius was only a step or two behind Remus as he, too, returned to the table, his hands still sweaty from the brief, casual mention of Bastien being interested in him. After having a few moments to process it, Sirius decided he was okay with Bastien going after him. Maybe he’d even put on a few moves himself. He didn’t think it would go anywhere, and maybe it was the tipsiness that was beginning to set in, but he figured why the hell not? Sirius would just have to be rather subtle about it, because of James, Remus, and Jackson, but James was so oblivious it made Sirius a bit worried for him at times. What was the harm in having a bit of fun?

He saw Remus leaning over to Bastien, telling him something that made Bastien look at Sirius quickly. As soon as Sirius reached the table, Remus pulled away, but Bastien’s eyes were still on Sirius. Heat ignited low in Sirius’ stomach, a feeling he hadn’t felt in far too long. Sirius smiled slowly, languidly at him. It was a smile Sirius _knew_ worked; he’d used it on many targets of his affection before. 

Sirius was cocky. James was always the first to poke fun at him for it, but Sirius felt he had good reason to be. He liked the way he looked. Besides, even if he didn’t joke often about looking like a Greek god, his overflow of confidence would’ve made up for anything he lacked in the looks department. 

Bastien caught Sirius’ smile and returned it with one of his own that made Sirius’ heart thud. James, as he usually did when he started feeling drunk, wanted to go play darts, and challenged them all to a game, declaring that he’d try and go easy on them so he wouldn’t make them feel bad. Naz, Jackson, and Remus all agreed, but when Bastien said that he was going to stay back and hold their table, Sirius echoed his statement. 

As soon as they were out of earshot of the table, Sirius said casually, “N’ecoute pas Remus.” ( _Don’t listen to Remus)_. 

“Pardon?” 

Sirius nodded towards Remus, who was taking a handful of darts from James. “Don’t listen to Remus. Whatever he was telling you about me.” 

Bastien brushed back his blond hair with a strong hand, revealing a small constellation of freckles splattered across his cheeks. “Even if it was good?”

“Was it?” Sirius asked. 

Bastien shrugged. “He’s talked about you a few times this week. Told us about how his new captain is this loud, stubborn guy who plays pretty well but talks a lot and is pretty aggressive. I’ve known Remus long enough to know that means he thinks you aren’t half bad.”

Sirius couldn’t help the scoff of surprise that burst from his mouth. “Could have fooled me. He’s barely said two words to me all week, and what he has said has been…” Sirius scratched the back of his head. 

“Incredibly curt?” Bastien supplied. 

That was one word for it. “Sure. Frankly, it seems like he hates my guts. Even on the first day. We’d never even met and he just brushed me off.” 

“That’s just Remus. I’d be more concerned if he was super open with you right away. It takes him time to figure out how he feels about people. He’s very guarded.” 

If Sirius had a dime for how many times he’d been told that about Remus this week. 

“Anyway, what I meant was,” Sirius smiled once more at Bastien, his eyes flickering up and down his body, “don’t listen to Remus if he said I wasn’t interested.”

Bastien’s eyes glinted with something exciting that drew Sirius in. “I would be lying if I said I was incredibly disappointed when he told me you weren’t. You’ve been throwing me these looks all evening that have made things very difficult for me.” Sirius finished what was either his fourth or fifth drink of the night- honestly, he couldn’t remember- and as he did, he felt Bastien’s warm hand on his thigh, just above his knee. 

Bastien’s eyes were stuck on Sirius’ mouth, and Sirius was incredibly aware of the fact that he was beginning to have a situation in his jeans. “Ah, you’ve found out my secret plan,” Sirius said with a smile. 

“You want to get out of here?” Bastien asked, his hand trailing a bit further north on Sirius’ jean-clad leg.

God, did he ever. He didn’t want James or Remus to see him leave with Bastien because he was a bit too tipsy to come up with a believable excuse as to why he was leaving with a friend of Remus’ that he had just met, but he _really_ did. “We can go to mine. It’s only a short walk away, and James is planning on crashing at Naz’s tonight.” It was a lie, but Sirius knew if he asked Naz to have James sleep at his, Naz would be just fine with that.

“Perfect.”

“Let me just go tell Naz, and we can go.”

Bastien’s answering grin was enough to make Sirius walk a bit too fast towards Naz, who was waiting for his turn at darts. Sirius pulled him aside, far away enough that the rest of their group wouldn’t be able to hear him. “Listen, uh…”

Naz looked over at Bastien, then back to Sirius. Slapping Sirius on the back, he whispered, “Ah, good for you!”

Sirius tried to conceal the blush that crept across his cheeks. “Sh! Keep it down,” he whispered back, looking to make sure no one had heard Naz. “Is it cool if I head out? I know we were supposed to have a boy’s night.”

“You’ll be having a boy’s night, alright!”

Sirius groaned. “Can you just cover for me? Please? Tell everyone I felt sick and Bastien was tired, or something?” That familiar feeling of guilt reared its ugly head at the thought of lying to James. It just wasn’t the right time. Sirius was starting to wonder if it would ever be. “And could you have James sleep at yours tonight? I doubt he’ll be sober enough to get home by himself anyway.”

Naz nodded, and Sirius sighed with relief. Naz was far too good of a friend to Sirius. “Of course. What are friends for? Now go get some!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to clarify that this is not going to be one of those stories where homophobia is a huge plot point because i dunno about you guys but as a queer person reading that can be exhausting so this chapter is going to be one of the few were the acceptance of sexuality is discussed   
> hope you all enjoy <3

No matter what Sirius’ sexuality was, if he ever did find that out, he did know at least one thing: kissing guys was  _ incredible _ . Bastien was no exception. In fact, as Bastien pressed a long, heated kiss to Sirius’ reddened lips, Sirius decided he was one of the best kissers Sirius had ever met. There was just something about the way he trailed his tongue across Sirius’ lower lip, something about the way his hand, large and steady, grazed over Sirius’ abdomen and shoulders and thighs. 

Sprawled across his bed, Bastien a pleasantly heavy weight on top of him, Sirius reveled in the feel of his silky blond hair that was long enough to tug on a bit, but not so long that it got in his face and in his mouth, like the last girl he’d kissed. 

He hadn’t realized until Bastien rolled his hips against Sirius, making him gasp as his hands flew to Bastien’s toned biceps, that  _ this _ is what had been missing when he’d gotten with Emma. The muscle, the weight, the musky scent of cologne and faint sweat from walking back to Sirius’ apartment. Kissing girls was all fine and well, but this was something entirely  _ other _ . 

And Sirius loved it. 

Lily was at her mother’s, James was staying at Naz’s, so the apartment was all theirs, and Sirius was planning on taking advantage of that for as long as he possibly could. Alcohol was flowing steadily through his veins, making his body feel warm and allowing his mind to let go of the panic it so often latched onto whenever Sirius confronted any part of his sexuality. Though Sirius hadn’t kissed a man in a while, he still remembered the feel of that man’s touch, and part of him was aching for Bastien to erase that memory with his own strong hands and soft mouth. 

Bastien rolled his hips against Sirius’ again, causing Sirius to moan brokenly into Bastien’s mouth. He felt Bastien smile against him, and he nearly melted. Bastien repeated the motion, this time slower and more languid, and Sirius couldn’t help the way his hips bucked up into Bastien’s. Usually, Sirius did anything to retain control in every part of his life, but this was different. He could let himself fall back, let the other person take charge for once. It was a relief entirely different from the release of sex, but it was just as delicious and wonderful. 

Nipping at his ear lobe, Bastien said, “You look so good sprawled out like this. I knew you would, you know that? The moment I walked in and saw you, I knew I had to get you under me.”

Sirius laughed breathlessly. “Am I that easy to read?” 

“Very,” Bastien confirmed. “But only because I was looking for it. You’ve got that confident swagger down, don’t you? It nearly fooled me, I won’t lie.”

“What gave it away?” The way Bastien was rolling his hips was making speech feel like an Olympic sport. Sirius could barely think as he felt the drag of Bastien’s hard-on against his own. 

Bastien trailed open, rough kisses from Sirius’ ear to the hollow of his throat, stopping occasionally to scrape his teeth against the sensitive column of Sirius’ throat. “It was the way you looked at me when James brought up you dating a girl majoring in Philosophy. You immediately looked at me and it was like your eyes were practically shouting, ‘I don’t just like girls!’”

Sirius snorted gently, but the sound was cut off when Bastien grazed his teeth against a particularly sensitive spot between his neck and shoulder. He let out a half-groan, making Bastien smile against his skin. “My cool might’ve slipped a bit at that,” Sirius confessed. “But it was only because there was this gorgeous, blond man in front of me who was making it very hard to hide what those eyes of his were doing to me.” 

Bastien slid up, placing his mouth right next to Sirius’ ear. The warm brush of his breath made Sirius shiver as his voice dropped to a level that made his eyes flutter shut. “Je vais te montrer ce que je peux faire d’autre pour toi.” ( _ I’m going to show you what else I can do to you _ ). Groaning, Sirius threw his head back, and Bastien slipped down between his legs with a devilish grin that had Sirius nearly delirious with want. 

~

Crisp, clear winter morning sun grazed over Sirius’ closed eyes, turning his eyelids into the glowy red of light shining through skin. His eyes fluttered open slowly, taking a few moments to let his pupils adjust to the bright state of his room. As his brain slowly caught up with his body, Sirius felt the vague inclination that a headache was coming his way. He noticed, then, that he was not alone in his bed. 

Looking over to the blond halo of hair spread across the pillow next to him, the events of the previous night came back in a pleasant wave of satisfied pleasure. The delightful, calm feeling did not last long, though; Sirius saw his alarm clock flashing that it was eight in the morning, telling him quite clearly that he had little time before James came back to the apartment to get ready for practice. That was all it took for his brain to spring into action. Practically jumping out of his bed, he scrambled to find Bastien’s discarded clothes. He found them all and threw them onto the bed next to Bastien. 

“Bastien,” Sirius whispered roughly, too afraid to raise his voice any louder for fear of being heard by whomever was home. “Bastien, get up. You’ve got to go.”

Bastien’s eyes opened drowsily, a sleepy smile across his face as he found Sirius standing at the foot of the bed. “Ah, bonjour,” he told Sirius softly. Seeing the distraught look on Sirius’ face, his brows knitted together. “What’s the matter?”

Sirius gestured to his clothes, and began pulling on his own. “I’m sorry to do this, but James will be home any moment, and-”

“And you need me to get going before he does,” Bastien filled in, pushing himself up and tugging on his shirt. “You’re not out to him? From what I saw last night, the two of you are close, no?”

“We are,” Sirius told him, his heart picking up pace with each moment that Bastien took to get dressed. “I just haven’t found a good time to come out to him. He doesn’t know, and I really,  _ really _ don’t want this to be the way he finds out. Not that I’m ashamed of this, or anything!” Sirius added hastily. “It just...it’s not the way I want to tell him.”

Bastien nodded, finally pulling on his shoes and grabbing his phone from the bed. “No worries, really. I get it. I did have fun, though,” he said with a roguish smile. 

Sirius returned the grin as he ushered Bastien out of his room. “So did I, believe me.”

They reached the door and Bastien turned to him, going in for a quick kiss that had Sirius regretting the fact that he lived with roommates at all. “I hope to see you again,” Bastien said as he opened the door. “Last night was fun, and I don’t just mean the end. And I think that you need to get to know Remus a bit more. He needs friends like you, James, and Naz, especially right now.” 

Sirius wanted to protest, to tell Bastien that he had already tried and been promptly rejected by Remus, but he figured he didn’t have the time. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said finally. “And hopefully I’ll see you soon.” It wasn’t really a question. Sirius had had fun, but he knew he wasn’t ready for anything beyond a one-night stand with a man, not yet. Even that was already starting to send him spiraling, but he shoved it aside, telling himself he’d deal with it when he saw Rashida later today. 

“Au revoir,” Bastien said with a smile. 

“Bye,” Sirius answered. Bastien slipped out the door, and Sirius shut it quickly, returning to his room to tidy up before James got home. 

All he really had to do was straighten up his sheets and pillows and spray a bit of air freshener, which he felt a bit ridiculous for doing. As if James was his mother, coming home and checking his room. Still, Sirius didn’t want to raise any suspicion. 

After showering off quickly (just to get rid of any lingering unusual smell since he had practice soon anyway), James walked into their apartment as Sirius was shaking out his long black hair, trying to make it dry more before he tugged it into a bun. 

“You home?” James called out. 

Sirius popped his head out of the bathroom. “James, my dearest! I thought you’d never return!”

“How could I ever leave you for long, my sweet?” James replied, coming to the bathroom where Sirius was finishing pulling his hair out of his face. “Naz said you weren’t feeling well last night and you went home early. You alright?” The genuine concern in James’ voice ignited a cold guilt in Sirius’ stomach. 

“Yeah, I guess the alcohol just wasn’t sitting right, you know?”

James nodded, grabbing his toothbrush and spreading toothpaste on the bristles. “Do I ever. I’m regretting asking you to call a second practice today, if I’m being honest.”

Sirius smirked at his friend. “Ah, finally, James Potter’s actions come back to bite him in the ass. I’ve been waiting for this day!”

James spat minty foam into the sink, elbowing Sirius out of the way so that he could reach the porcelain bowl. “Oh, fuck off. It’s still going to be good. It comforts me minimally that Naz will be suffering, too. Hopefully Remus isn’t doing as bad as Naz was this morning, poor bastard.”

Naz had a hard time handling his alcohol, which was one of the very first things Sirius had learned about him at the start of year ten. He was one of Sirius’ favorite people to be around while drunk. At least, until Naz consumed one drink too many and essentially fell apart until he sobered up. It was okay, though; he’d gotten his fair share of laughs out of Naz’s too-drunk exploits. 

“I’ve heard exercise is a fantastic cure for a hangover,” Sirius said thoughtfully. “We might even run a few extra laps to help the two of you sober up, since I’m such a kind-hearted and gracious captain.”

James glared at him from the mirror. “I’ll kick your ass if you do, Black. You may be captain, but I can still beat you in a fight.”

Sirius barked out a laugh, and James grinned at him. “Alright, you drunkard. Let’s get some food in us, and we can head out. Do you feel like coffee this morning?”

“I think I’ll strangle you if you don’t get me one.”

~

Hours later, Sirius finally collapsed onto his stall bench in the Lions locker room, utterly exhausted from his day. The first practice had gone well, though Naz and James had looked rather green around the gills for the first hour or so. Remus, much to Sirius’ surprise, wasn’t hung over at all. Therapy with Rashida had been...well, it hadn’t been  _ fun _ , but it had been beneficial. Sirius had told her that  _ he _ was in town, and usually, Rashida was a master at hiding her emotions, but that piece of news caused worry to flit over her face before she could hide it. That inspired no amount of confidence in Sirius, but after talking through it, he was pretty sure he’d be alright as long as he kept his distance. 

He had thought about bringing up Bastien, but he hadn’t really been emotionally up to discussing both past trauma  _ and _ his current struggle with sexuality, so he’d left that particular struggle for next session. 

The attack practice had also gone incredibly well, so even though Sirius was so tired he could probably sleep sitting up, he was happy with the way the day had gone. Remus had shown up this practice ready to play, because he was even faster and smoother and more tactile than he’d been thus far. Sirius couldn’t help the admiration that floated timidly in his chest as he’d watched Remus work through their new plays. He, James, and Sirius had fallen into a dynamic that Sirius was having a hard time not thinking about even after practice was over and all he wanted to do was shower, eat, and pass out for hours. It had been odd at first, of course, because playing with someone new always was, but Remus had shocked Sirius with how pliant he’d been today. He’d barely argued with Sirius about anything. Mind you, he’d still done a few things that had Sirius bristling with irritation, but Sirius was finding that the more he watched Remus, the less he was bothered by him. 

Losing Fischer had hurt, even if Sirius hadn’t told anyone but James that. He and Sirius had been...something, or Sirius had thought so. Having him leave had upset Sirius’ entire life, and Rashida had pointed out that perhaps that was why he’d been so hostile when Remus had been traded to the Lions. After a handful of practices, though, Remus was finding his rhythm within the team, and Sirius had to admit that it felt  _ good _ when he, James, and Remus played together as a line. Sirius had taken Bastien’s advice, making an effort to talk more to Remus and push aside the things he did that made Sirius’ jaw clench and his temper flare. 

“Hey, Lupin,” Sirius called across the locker room as Remus walked in, his auburn hair dark with water from his shower. Remus looked up at him, his eyes unreadable.

“What’s up, Black,” he answered, setting his stuff down on his stall bench. 

“Good playing out there,” Sirius told him genuinely. “I think we’ve got a good thing going, and just in time for our game against the Vipers, yeah?”

Remus nodded, the movement sort of noncommittal. “Yeah, I’m getting used to playing with you all. It’s been kind of weird. You guys do things differently than the Wolves do.”

Sometimes, when Sirius talked to Remus he offered little to no information about himself or how he was feeling. But sometimes, like now, he offered small bits that shocked Sirius and were promptly filed away into the thin but growing mental folder he had labeled  _ Remus Lupin _ . “Well, yeah, I’d assume so. Playing with a new team is always funky at first, isn’t it?”

Remus nodded, removing his towel and pulling on black shorts, giving Sirius a good look at the black ink embedded into the skin on his hip. He still hadn’t been able to figure out what it was. “Yeah,” he answered simply. “Don’t really care much for change.”

“I don’t think many people do.”

Remus eyed Sirius as he spoke. “Right. Oh, Black,” Remus said as Sirius stood to leave, his bag slung over his shoulder. “Bastien had fun last night. Wanted me to tell you.”

Sirius’ heart skidded to a halting stop so hard that he thought he might be having a stroke. “Oh. Great,” he replied, panic creeping up on him as he noted that Remus and him were  _ not _ the only ones in the locker room. Anyone could overhear Remus. 

Standing up, Remus walked over to Sirius in two long strides. It struck Sirius again just how much taller Remus was than him, and he could smell the faint, clean smell of Old Spice soap on his skin. Looking much more casual that Sirius felt, Remus continued. “Look, he came home this morning with a shit-eating grin on his face, and when I’d asked him why he looked like he was going mental, he told me he had just had a good night. He didn’t tell me anything, but I put two and two together.”

Sirius’ stomach dropped, and his palms started to sweat as he gripped his bag tightly. “So, what? You’re going to-”

“No,” Remus interjected. “Just was going to tell you that it’s cool and I won’t tell anyone. That’s it,” he said seriously, clearly marking the worry that was twisting Sirius’ face and stomach. Relief hit Sirius harder than the panic had and he couldn’t stop the rough rush of air that escaped his mouth. “I guess it makes sense now that you left the way you did last night.” Remus’ eyes switched to James, who was a few feet away and chatting with Katch, Sloan, and Lip.

This was far more conversation with Remus that Sirius had ever had, and in any other circumstance, he would’ve been happy his new teammate was starting to open up. If it had been literally  _ any _ other topic in the entire world. “It’s not...I haven’t told anyone other than Naz, so you better keep it quiet, Lupin. I fucking mean it.” Sirius hated when his words came out like that: jumbled, too harsh, too quick. The only times it happened was when he was talking about something incredibly important and incredibly personal. 

“I already said I’d keep it quiet,” Remus shot back, matching Sirius’ intensity. 

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus, and Remus narrowed his own right back, and then they were back to when they’d met a week ago, hostility raging between the two men. Sirius searched Remus’ face for any sign that he was lying, or that he had some sort of malicious intent, but he couldn’t find anything beyond frustration. He was growing very accustomed to that look on Remus’ face. 

Sirius found he much preferred the easy-going version of Remus he’d seen last night. 

“Okay,” Sirius said finally, still a bit hesitant. 

“Look, I didn’t mean to…” Remus gestured between the two of them. “I just figured you’d be worried about people finding out, and I get the privacy thing. I hate when people stick their noses in my business. So. Yeah.”

Sirius adjusted his bag, the strap beginning to dig into his sore shoulder. “Right. Well, thanks, I guess. Tell Bastien I did too.”

“Will do.”

~

Sirius truly didn’t understand  _ how _ he got himself into situations like this one. As far as he remembered, he’d expressly told James he  _ didn’t _ want to be set up. Had James listened? No, of course not. Why would he? James Potter, the smug bastard, always thought he knew best. Well, Sirius thought bitterly as he walked into the quietly bustling restaurant, he didn’t. 

The girl James and Lily had set him up with was probably a lovely girl, but Sirius was certainly in no position to go on a date with her. With anyone, for that matter. He’d told James that- he’d told him  _ so many fucking times _ \- but apparently, it had gone in one ear and out the other. Still prickly with annoyance at the fact that he had to spend what would have been a perfectly mundane Sunday evening at home by himself with a girl he’d never met, Sirius spotted said girl sitting on the far side of the restaurant. 

Her dark hair was pulled back with a clip, letting pieces of hair fall from it and frame her face, which was soft and had slightly pointed features without being too mousy. She was pretty, Sirius had to admit. She spotted him, and a lovely smile spread across her face as he walked over to the table she was sitting at. 

“Sirius?” 

Sirius nodded, slinging off his leather jacket and sliding it into the booth before sitting down. “Hi,” he responded with a lazy grin, the one he knew drove girls insane with its nonchalance. “Mary, is it?”

Mary nodded, fiddling with a straw wrapper laying on the table. “Nice to meet you.”

“You work with Lily, don’t you?” Sirius asked, even though he knew the answer, just to fill the empty, silent space present between them. 

“Sort of,” she said. “More like I work near her. The tattoo shop is right next to the record store I work in. I bump into her a lot at the Dunkin that’s in the parking lot and we get to talking when we wait in line.” 

The record store caught Sirius’ attention as a waiter came up to take their order. “A record store? That’s cool,” he said as the waiter walked away to retrieve his beer and Marlene’s redbull vodka. “I’ve got quite the collection myself, though I’m sure you hear that all time. I bet it’s hard to impress you on that front, isn’t it?” 

Marlene laughed, a high, pleasant sound that kind of floated through the air. “You could say that. It seems like most people buy a record or two, then figure they know everything about it. I think I’ll have to be the judge of your collection, though,” she said with a wry grin. “What records do you have?” 

Sirius looked up, trying to recall exactly what he had. “Let’s see...I’ve got an original copy of David Bowie’s  _ Original Star _ that I got a few years back. I was pretty excited about that find. Um, I’ve got the Moody Blues’ entire discography, as well as Lynyrd Skynyrd. I’ve quite a few Queen ones, as well, and some one-offs like Pink Floyd, The Cure, that kind of thing.”

Marlene’s eyebrows flicked upward. “Now that is an impressive collection! You’ve been collecting for a while, then?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I couldn’t...I’ve always loved older music, but I didn’t really get the chance to really get into it until I was sixteen.” Alarms were ringing distantly in his head at the mention of something so close to the topic of his family, but he kept his face clear of it. “Now, though, I’m always looking for new records and things like that. Lil’s husband, James, last year he got me this vintage record player and it’s so wonderful I’m almost afraid to touch it.”

The waiter brought their drinks, and Sirius was incredibly grateful for the new presence of alcohol on the table. It wasn’t that Marlene was terrible; things were actually going alright. The near mention of his parents, though, of growing up--  _ that _ had thrown him for a bit of a spin. He rarely even dared approached anything near that subject, but apparently he was feeling rather open tonight. 

After getting their food, the two of them spent a good twenty minutes or so chatting casually about small things, and Sirius found that he was sort of enjoying himself. Not in a way that told him he was interested in Marlene, but in a way that he might enjoy time with a friend. 

Marlene was thinking the same. “Sirius, I’ve got to be honest with you,” she began as they were finishing their meals. “When Lily told me that she and James wanted to set me up with you, I only said yes because, ah, I haven’t...come out to Lily, or anyone, yet.”

“Come o-  _ oh _ ,” Sirius cut himself off, surprised it took him that many seconds to understand. He let out a gently amused snort, but when he saw the fallen look on Marlene’s face, he quickly explained himself. “No, no, it’s just that,” Sirius chuckled again, shaking his head. “Neither have I. That’s the only reason I said yes. Or, well, James kind of just does what he wants, you know, so I didn’t really get a say in the matter.”

“You mean, you’re-” Marlene kind of moved her hands through the air, as if to fill in for whatever he was. Funny, he thought. That sort of vague, wild gesture described what he was more perfectly than any label he’d found so far. 

Sirius mimicked her wave. “Yeah, I’m...something. Haven’t figured out what, besides not straight. Dunno if I’ve ruled out girls yet, but I’m pretty solid on guys.”

“Funny, that,” Marlene grinned. “I’m the exact opposite. Though I’m nearly entirely sure men really are not for me.” 

Sirius let out a cheerful laugh, as if some sort of invisible weight was disintegrating off his chest. The storm cloud that had taken to hovering over his head for so long felt lighter, a bit less suffocating, as he and Marlene continued to talk. The atmosphere was much more relaxed now that they’d both sort of decided they weren’t interested in each other romantically. 

Sirius asked Marlene if she’d like to come back to his (“To keep talking and see Lily and maybe watch a movie!” Sirius had clarified quickly) and as they hunched their shoulders against the frigid Calgary night air, Sirius asked suddenly, “Marlene, how did you know?”

“Know what? That I liked women in the Biblical sense?” Marlene wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and Sirius laughed so loudly a group walking towards them sent him multiple dirty looks. 

“Yeah, that,” Sirius confirmed through his laughter.

Marlene sighed, formulating her answer as they crossed a particularly icy street. “Well, I guess it was in year nine? Maybe year ten. I was at a party with some friends, and we were playing spin the bottle because we were just that childish, and when it was my turn, it landed on this girl who was a year older than me. Her name was Dorcas, which is...a name.” Sirius snorted, and Marlene chuckled. 

“Anyway, it lands on her and I go over to her and we kiss, and it was weird, because I hadn’t kissed anyone before that, so I thought that kissing just always felt like that, you know? Sort of electric, like you’ve touched a live wire, but in a good way. Here’s the best part, though,” Marlene told Sirius as they entered his apartment building, her cheeks flushed pink from the bitter wind. “I kissed a guy that same night, and you know what I felt?” Sirius shook his head. “It felt like nothing, just like lips pressing together. I won’t lie, it took me a  _ long, _ ” Marlene dragged out the word for a few seconds, “long time to realize that that meant I actually just liked girls. I can be a bit stupid when it comes to things involving self-introspection.”

Sirius chuckled, turning his key and shoving open his apartment door with his shoulder when it got stuck on the frame like it had a habit of doing. “You and me both. I still haven’t really figured it out, to be honest. Which is why,” he said quickly, quietly, as he made sure James and Lily weren’t near the front door, “this is where that conversation will have to end, at least for now.” Raising his voice again, he yelled, “Lils? Prongs? You guys decent? We’ve got company!” 

James opened the door to his bedroom, peaking out from behind it. “What the fuck are you-” His eyes landed on Marlene, then dropped comically down to his bare chest that wasn’t hidden by the door. “Oh, fu-” James slammed the door again, and Sirius heard scuffling and muttering behind it before James flung it back open, now fully dressed. 

Trying (and failing miserably) to pat down his wild black hair that was sticking up in every direction possible, James grinned impishly at them. “You know, why hide it? You guys came back earlier than we thought, and I’d just managed to seduce Lily with my devilishly good looks and massive amounts of charm.”

Lily appeared behind him, poking him in the side and making him jump. “Hello, you two! So sorry, this one here doesn’t know what the word decorum means, apparently.”

“Does that really surprise you?” Sirius asked as James protested, “I do, too!” “I distinctly remember doing  _ all _ his English homework for years.” 

Lily laughed, ruffling James’ already messy hair with a shine of affection in her eyes. “How was the date?”

Marlene and Sirius quickly looked at each other, trying to gauge what the other was going to say. Finally, Sirius managed to get out, “Good, but I think we’ve decided we’d rather be friends. We actually clicked pretty well, wouldn’t you say?”

Marlene nodded. “Definitely. It was a good time, but in a platonic sort of sense.”

James and Lily eyed him with no small amount of suspicion, but Sirius pretended he suddenly couldn’t see. “We actually came back here to talk some more and maybe watch a movie. You two are welcome to join if you’re all done shacking up.”

“You know, I don’t think you’re allowed to call it that if we’re married,” James mused. 

“Oh? And what would you call it?” Marlene asked, and Sirius nearly smacked his forehead. Marlene didn’t know James like he did, so when he waggled his eyebrows, Sirius knew she was in for a treat. 

“I would call it making sweet, sweet love!” James crooned. “Making sweet love to my wife, who looks just as good clothed as she looks-”

“Alllllright!” Lily called out, rolling her eyes at James, but she couldn’t hide the goofy smile that she always wore whenever James complimented her. “We’d love to watch a movie. You sure we won’t be interrupting anything?”

Marlene and Sirius both shook their heads quickly. “Nope, nothing at all,” Sirius assured her firmly. 

Once the movie had ended, Marlene said she’d better get going, and gave Sirius her number before bidding them all goodnight. James and Lily definitely took that exchange to mean something more promising than it did. Sirius had genuinely liked Marlene as a  _ friend _ , and that was it. In fact, he was quite looking forward to having another queer person in his life. There was almost an odd sense of camaraderie between the two, and it had felt so relieving to be able to be a bit more of himself around her than he’d be around anyone in ages. 

And there was that creeping guilt once more, gnawing away in his chest and stomach as James and Lily looked at him expectantly, both curled together on the couch. “So?” James asked. “Thoughts?”

Sirius tossed a handful of popcorn in his mouth, chewing slowly to avoid answering right away. “Like I said, Marlene and I really hit it off as  _ friends _ , and nothing more. There just wasn’t that...spark, or whatever you want to call it. I really like her though. She’s fun!” Sparks, he’d learnt, meant a lot more than he’d previously thought. He sort of understood it more after Marlene had explained her first kiss to him. Sirius could count on one hand how many people he’d felt that spark of attraction with, and they definitely were  _ not _ all girls. 

Lily looked at him like she knew there was something more to the situation than what Sirius claimed, and for some reason, the sharpness of her green eyes made Sirius feel smaller than he could ever remember feeling for lying to the two most important people in his life. He longed to get out from under the barely-there glint of disbelief dancing in her eyes. 

“But- sorry, Lils- Marlene is so pretty!” James insisted as Lily nodded. “I mean, she seemed funny, and nice, and you two like the same stuff, so what gives?”

“What gives?” asked Sirius, quirking a brow at James. 

“Yeah, I mean, she seemed like your type. I don’t understand why you’re already ruling out, y’know, having something with her.”

Sirius felt his stomach knot with anxiety. He didn’t really like the direction this conversation was going in, but he knew James far too well to fool himself that he could get James to drop it. “I told you. She’s great, but we both agreed we just...weren’t really attracted to each other. Why is that so hard to believe?” 

“Well, one, and believe me, I hate saying this because you’re my best friend, but you’re hot, Sirius, and you know that. Girls practically fall at your feet when you so much as look at them. Two, Marlene’s lovely. She likes records, she’s funny, she’s got a bit of that sarcasm you love so much.”

Sirius batted his eyes at his best friend. “Aw, Jamie, you’re making me blush,” he said airly. 

James rolled his eyes. “You know it’s true. So that is why it doesn’t make sense. I mean, what’s wrong with this girl, Sirius?”

Eyes narrowing, Sirius dropped the flirty smile he’d taken on. “What do you mean?”

“Is it the way she talks? How she texts? The drink she ordered?” James looked down at him sternly, cutting off any protests Sirius might’ve had. “And don’t scoff at me, Pads. Those are all reasons you’ve dropped girls in the past.”

“There’s nothing wrong with Marlene! We just don’t like each other like that! Jesus, James, why can’t you just get that?”

“Get what? That you push away every single girl that’s interested in you for stupid, ridiculous reasons that don’t make sense to anyone but you?”

Sirius glared at James, and Lily placed a calming hand on James’ arm, but he didn’t pay attention to the touch that was half-soothing, half-warning. “Not everything has to make sense to you!”

“It does when it comes to you!” James argued. “I know you, Pads, better than anyone, in case you’ve forgotten! So when something you’re doing doesn’t make sense to me, something is up.”

“Nothing is up! Christ, I mean,” Sirius sighed, angrily brushing his hair out of his face. “I tell you over and over again that I don’t want to be set up, and you ignore me and do it anyway, and then have the balls to get angry when it doesn’t work out! I’ve told you so many times that I don’t want a relationship right now, that I’m-”

“Focusing on yourself,” James interrupted, his voice sharp. “I  _ know _ . You’ve been focusing on yourself for so long, Sirius. You deserve to have some fun! Even if it’s just stupid, meaningless sex and you don’t call the girl ever again. At least that would be  _ something _ . You haven’t dated anyone seriously since we graduated! Why? What, do you not think you deserve to have someone? Because you do!”

Sirius flinched minutely at that, but the prick of hurt he felt at James hitting a bit too close to home only made him angrier. “Listen, not everyone is fucking lucky enough to meet their damn soulmate at seventeen like you two!” He felt a bit nasty for dragging Lily into this when she hadn’t said a word since they’d started arguing, but Sirius wasn’t known for his ability to control his words when he was angry. 

“I know that,” James snapped. His voice was a bit too loud, strong enough that it sort of hit him like an invisible wall and Sirius felt that terrifying mix of fear and hurt he’d grown so familiar with growing up in the Black household whenever his mother had yelled at him. James so rarely raised his voice at Sirius for that very reason. “I know that, Sirius! But you don’t even  _ try _ and I don’t get it! You deserve love, you deserve to have someone!”

“You don’t get it?” Sirius retorted, his face tight with anger, clenching his hands and digging his nails into his palms like he could use that pain to cover up the way they were starting to shake. “I’m sorry, but you don’t  _ have _ to get everything!”

“I do when it comes to you,” James argued. 

“Right, because you know me so fucking well.”

James looked at Sirius as if he’d said something incredibly stupid. “Yeah, I do. Better than anyone, you dickhead. So tell me why you keep pushing all these perfectly fine girls away. Because to me, it looks like you’re doing it because you don’t think someone would be capable of loving you like that.”

“Fine, if you know me so fucking well, then why the hell haven’t you figured this out yet? Not everything is a goddamn  _ trauma response _ . Did you ever consider, for even a fucking  _ moment _ , that I don’t like these girls because I’m not fucking straight?” Sirius snarled. The moment he said those words, the words he’d only said aloud to three people, he felt the color drain from his face. 

It was as if the world fell silent. Sirius couldn’t hear any sound other than his own labored breathing and his heart thundering so hard in his chest that he could hear its quick drumming thudding in his ears. James and Lily were both looking at him, James’ mouth dropped open slightly, Lily looking at him like that was the last thing she’d expected him to burst out saying. 

“You’re  _ what _ ?” The sharp impact of the confusion in James’ voice felt like someone had actually hit him. There was disgust in his voice, Sirius was sure of it. There had to be. That was the only reason James would’ve reacted like this. 

“Not fucking straight, James,” Sirius snapped, standing suddenly. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew that he just needed to  _ go _ , because he couldn’t stand the way that James was looking at him, as if he’d never expected Sirius to be anything other than straight. As if it was this wrong, confusing thing that James didn’t like. “Are you deaf?”

“I heard you just fine.” James retorted. Lily hadn’t said anything, and Sirius was almost as nervous for her reaction as he was for James’. Lily was like a sister to him. “But you- I mean I sort of-” James seemed lost for words, which hadn’t happened a single time in their decade of friendship. It made Sirius’ chest tighten in a way that told him he was not feeling okay at all.

“You know what?” Sirius said, pocketing his phone and grabbing his keys. “I need to get out of here. I can’t be here right now. You...you both apparently need some time to process this, so I’m going to go. Call me when you’ve decided how you want to feel about me now.” Turning quickly, he rushed to his room. He knew he shouldn’t run, that they should sit and talk about this, but he couldn’t. Sirius was scared. He’d...he’d had a plan. This wasn’t how he’d wanted to tell either of them, but he just had to go and run his fat mouth, didn’t he? And now he’d ruined things. Of course James was upset by it; Sirius had kept a secret from him for years, and they’d never, ever kept secrets. Sirius had just been so afraid that coming out to James would go exactly like this. 

Sirius let out a rueful, bitter laugh. At least his fears hadn’t been entirely irrational, like Naz always tried to tell him. Half of his brain was telling him he was being a coward for wanting to run away without even giving James a chance to respond, but Sirius would rather leave and feel childish about running away than stay and chance hearing that James felt differently about him now. 

“Siri, please don’t go,” Lily pleaded, entering his room, where he was stuffing a few things into a backpack to take to Naz’s. He hadn’t asked him if he could come over, but he’d worry about that once he left. “We just weren’t expecting that, that’s all. You know that both James and I love you more than anything in the entire world.”

“Then why did he look disgusted by me, Lily?” Sirius asked quietly, willing the hurt not to press through and crack his voice. “Why did he-”

“Oh, Siri, he wasn’t. You know he wasn’t,” Lily told him gently. “He was just shocked. You know that James loves you more than anything in the entire world. He loves me, yes, but you...Sirius, you’re his person just as much as I am. And nothing could change that. It was just...we weren’t expecting it. Please don’t run off, or I’ll have to deal with James moping for days until you come home again.” She tried to smile at him to punctuate the joke, but Sirius didn’t really find it funny. 

Sirius sat heavily on his bed, his backpack in his hands. “You didn’t see his face, Lils. I did. He...he thinks of me differently now. I know it. I can’t-I can’t hear that, not right now.” Lily’s face fell, and Sirius had to turn away from her to give himself a moment to quell the burning in his nose from the tears threatening to prick his eyes. “I’ll text you when I get to Naz’s, yeah?”

He didn’t wait for Lily to respond. Getting up, he remembered to grab his Adderall from his bedside table before forcing himself out of his room. He kept his eyes on the door, not looking at where James was still sitting on the couch. 

“Wait, Pads, please!” James jumped up from his seat, but Sirius ignored him. He just needed to leave, he needed space, because if he heard that James thought differently about him at all now...Sirius couldn’t handle that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess this is a spoiler though it really shouldnt be surprising: james is not homophobic in the slightest! i just wanted to make that clarification. he just was blindsided by sirius coming out :) i could never do that to james' character lol


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> face off- like a kickoff or tipoff but for lacrosse  
> enjoy!

The moment Naz picked up his phone, he said, “No.”

Sirius balked, his teeth chattering slightly as he walked in the cold winter air. “What? No what?”

“No, Sirius,” Naz repeated, his voice soft but firm. “James texted me already.”

Sirius groaned. “Bastard. So what, you’re-”

“I’m doing  _ nothing _ ,” Naz cut Sirius off. Sirius could almost see the stern way Naz’s face was set. “I love you, Black. More than anything. So you’re going to march your ass back to your apartment and sit down and  _ shut up _ and let James talk.” 

“You don’t understand,” Sirius insisted, dread pooling in his stomach. “You didn’t see the look on his face.”

“So? I know James. That man loves you more than life itself. Don’t be stupid. You really think you could do  _ anything _ to make him think of you differently? Once James Potter loves you, he loves you forever. You know that better than anyone.” 

Sirius knew, deep in his chest, that Naz was right. He’d run because he was scared, but who could blame him? He hadn’t been in control and that terrified Sirius. “Naz…”

“I know,” Naz said, and for the first time, Sirius thanked him silently for the intrusion. “I really do. But…”

“Right. You’re...you’re right,” Sirius admitted. That admission didn’t really ease the ache of anxiety that had settled in his chest, funnily enough. 

“You know that if this were any other situation, you’d be more than welcome to come over, but I don’t want to help you run from this. You’ve been wanting to tell James forever. I know it’s hard, Sirius, but you can do it. Call me after you talked to him, eh? So I can rub it in your face just how right I was,” Naz joked. 

Rolling his eyes, Sirius hung up on Naz as his hurried walk came to a stop. There were sporadic snowflakes drifting through the grey air, waltzing through the air so carefree it felt a bit like a mockery. Sirius did  _ not _ feel carefree, not in the slightest. Hesitantly, Sirius turned slowly on his heel, facing the direction of his apartment. 

One foot in front of the other, he made his way back, feeling equal parts foolish and terrified as he opened the door of his apartment. James was still on the couch, Lily next to him, their heads dipped as Lily comforted her husband. At the sound of the door, their heads shot up, and the relief in James’ eyes hit Sirius like a train. 

“Pads, fuck, listen, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t- you caught me off guard, but that was it. I don’t-  _ fuck _ , you’re my brother, Sirius,” James began rambling, getting up off the couch and approaching Sirius. “I don’t care who you love, and I can’t believe I ever made you feel unsafe enough in the first place to not talk to me about it for this long.”

“I know,” Sirius said, and James’ eyes lit up. “I...I’m sorry for running off like a fucking kid. I was just scared, you know, and when you didn’t say it was okay right away-  _ oof _ .”

James wrapped his arms around Sirius so tightly it pushed the breath from his lungs. “Of course it’s okay, Pads. Don’t be stupid. You know both Lily and I couldn’t care less about who you stick it in, just that you’re happy.”

Lily groaned from the couch. “Jesus, James.”

“What? We don’t!” 

“You don’t have to put it like  _ that _ .”

Sirius let out a wet laugh, not bothering to cover up the way his nose was running from the tears pricking his eyes because it was Lily and James. James, who’d loved him even before he’d gotten his head out of his ass, and Lily, who’d loved him just as much as James did once she realized what they were to each other before she even really knew him. “God, I’m a fucking idiot,” Sirius laughed softly, letting go of James. “Fucking embarrassing running off like that, wasn’t it?”

James clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Pads. We won’t mention it to anyone.” 

And with that, everything was back to normal. Normal besides the fact that Sirius no longer felt guilty as the three of them made dinner together. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, a weight that had been heavier than he’d ever realized. 

“So...this means that you and Bastien leaving at the same time the other night was  _ not _ a coincidence, then,” James said as he got out plates for the pasta Sirius and Lily had cooked. 

Sirius snorted. “Yeah, definitely not a coincidence, man.”

“I don’t blame you, Siri. That man was beautiful,” Lily told him, nudging him with her elbow. 

“He was rather attractive,” James commented, and Sirius and Lily turned towards him, twin looks of surprise on their faces. “Oh, so you two can compliment him, but I can’t? Just because I don’t like men like that doesn’t mean I can’t recognize when one is handsome. Reeeeal progressive of the two of you.”

Sirius gave Lily a look of exasperated love that she and him had shared many times in the past four years. “Alright, Jamie, sorry. You are free to compliment as many men as you wish.”

James planted a kiss on Lily’s head. “Was it good?” James asked. 

Sirius thought it would be weird to talk about having sex with guys with James, but when James asked the question, Sirius felt nothing but indifference. “It was good, yeah. Dunno if it’ll happen again, but...yeah, it was good. Great, really.” 

“Nice,” James said, putting out his hand for a high five. Sirius rolled eyes but granted James the high five anyways. 

“Why don’t you think it’s going to happen again?” Sirius could always count on Lily to ask the difficult questions, couldn’t he?

Sirius scratched his head, stirring the pot of sauce in front of him. “Ah, I don’t know, really. I didn’t get his number, so that kind of immediately shuts things down, doesn’t it?” 

“I’m sure if you asked Remus, he’d give it to you,” Lily suggested. “Though I’m not sure if you want Remus to know. Do you?” 

Shrugging, Sirius said, “It wouldn’t matter if I did or not. He already does. Apparently, Bastien wasn’t as discreet as I was. Remus came up to me after practice the day after and told me he knew about me and Bastien.”

“He didn’t say anything bad, did he? Because if he did…” James mimed a few punches in the air, feigning fighting an invisible opponent.

“Stop that before you hurt yourself. No, he didn’t. He just told me Bastien wanted to say that he had a great time and that he was fine with it. Remus, I mean.” 

Lily wrinkled her nose. “Blunt little guy, isn’t he?” 

“You have no idea,” Sirius agreed. 

“If he knows and is cool with it, then why don’t you ask him for Bastien’s number?”

There was something holding Sirius back, that much was apparent, but he hadn’t really been able to figure out what it was. Bastien was a lovely man, and Sirius had had fun, but… “I dunno. I don’t think that’s really what Bastien was looking for.” It was easier to push the blame onto him than confess to James and Lily that he still wasn’t ready for anything remotely akin to dating. Not yet. 

~

A knock on Sirius’ door later that night tore him from the book he’d been reading. Setting it down, he called out, “Come in!”

James walked in, his hair wet from a shower, and his glasses that he hardly wore during the on-season resting on the bridge of his nose. “Hey,” he greeted softly. “Can we talk?” 

Sirius patted the space on the bed next to him, and James climbed in next to him, resting his back against the wall. It reminded Sirius so much of their time at school that it made his chest ache a bit from the nostalgia.

“What’s up?” 

“I just wanted to tell you how proud of you I am, Pads. And I know you’re going to yell at me for getting all mushy, but let me get mushy, just this once.” Sirius hid the smile threatening to pop up at how well James knew him. “I know that you probably wanted to come out a different way, and I’m sorry for pushing you so much about dating that you felt the need to. That wasn’t fair of me. I’m just worried about you, and I want to see you be happy with someone, you know? I won’t lie and say I don’t wish you had told me sooner, because I do, but I get why you didn’t it. It’s a fucking scary thing, and I’m sure it’s been hard to go through alone.”

“I guess I should tell you know that Naz knows,” Sirius admitted guiltly. “But it wasn’t on purpose! You were always the first person I wanted to tell. It just...didn’t quite happen that way.”

James leaned his head on Sirius’ shoulder. “Nah, it’s okay. I know I’ll always be your best friend. I don’t really care when you told me. Just happy that you did.” 

And that was why Sirius Black loved James Potter with his entire soul, in a way not many understood. James’ first concern was always him, just as Sirius’ was always James. “I’m glad it’s out now, though. I felt super guilty all the time for keeping it from you. Like I was hiding something, you know? And we’ve never hidden anything from each other, even the stuff that we probably should,” Sirius said with a laugh. He felt James shaking on the bed beside him as he chuckled. “So, yeah, my plan was different, but when have any of my plans really worked out?”

James snorted. “Very true. I know you probably don’t want to make a big deal out of this, but I just wanted to tell you that, you know, everything’s okay, and that I’m super proud of you.”

“Okay, mom,” Sirius joked, shoving James lightly. “Really, though, I do appreaciate it. It’s been...a lot, you know? Kinda the reason things haven’t worked out with girls lately.”

“Do you like girls still, or is it just strictly boy stuff for you now?”

Sirius’ face wrinkled with disgust. “Yeah, don’t call it  _ boy stuff _ . And I dunno. Maybe? There have been girls I’ve liked. Lately, though, not so much. Funnily enough, that’s why Marlene and I didn’t hit it off. She is very much about  _ girl stuff _ .”

“You’re joking,” James responded. “That’s fucking hilarious. Lily and I really set up  _ two _ people who weren’t out yet?” 

“Yes, and believe me, Marlene and I got quite the laugh out of it. I’m definitely not angry I went, though. She’s lovely, and it was... _ nice _ , I guess, to have someone that I could talk to about all the-”

“Gay stuff?” James suggested. 

Sirius nodded. “Yeah. That.” 

“We’ll definitely have her round more often, then! Maybe for our next drunk viewing of whatever Nicolas Cage movie is next on our list.” 

James and Sirius had started a tradition while at school of periodically getting absolutely hammered and watching Nicolas Cage movies. He was a terrible actor, that much was agreed upon, but there was something about his acting being so terrible that made Sirius and James get a kick out of watching his movies. Secretly, Sirius actually, completely unironically, loved the National Treasure movies, but he would _ never _ confess that willingly. 

“Just one more question, if that’s okay,” James said cautiously. 

“Shoot.”

“Have you, you know, been with a guy ever, like seriously? I’m talking like long-term, multiple months.”

Sirius felt that creeping terror scratch at the back corners of his mind, waking at James’ words. “Y-yeah. Yeah. Once. It...didn’t end well.” 

James straightened, turning to look at Sirius, a bit of panic in his face. “It wasn’t-”

“Yeah. It was.”

His mouth dropped open in an  _ o _ , his eyes widening. “That’s why things ended so badly between you two? I thought you just had a bad falling out!”

“I mean, we did. It just...was more of a breakup than a falling out,” Sirius said, trying to keep his voice light. “We both did and said some things that we shouldn’t have.”

“I mean, obviously I didn’t know everything that went down, but I stopped talking to him because Naz told me he’d said some really nasty things to you, and I couldn’t believe that he would say that to one of his closest friends. And Naz said... _ oh _ ,” James’ face dropped, his expression making sorrow twist in Sirius’ gut. “So when he punched you, then, it wasn’t... _ oh _ .” 

“It’s really not a huge deal, you know. I’m fine now.” Sirius was a big fat fucking liar for saying that, but he didn’t want James to worry even more. 

“I just thought it was hard for him to be in town because you missed him, or you were still sad about what happened,” James said. “I didn’t know it was like...like  _ that _ .”

The sadness and horror in James’ voice was making Sirius’ mouth feel dry and cottony, the way it did whenever he started to panic. “Really, Jamie, it’s alright. It’s better now. I just don’t like when he’s around, you know. It’s nothing I can’t handle.” 

James got that look on his face he only got when he was really, truly angry: narrowed eyes, his mouth a hard line, his jaw set firmly. “Fucking bastard. Should’ve given him a piece of my mind when I had the fucking chance. I wouldn’t have told you about him texting me if-”

“Stop. Really. I can handle hearing his name and all that. I’m not going to break down or anything. It’s been a long time, and like I said, I’m getting over. Practically already am.” 

Sirius was just hoping he could keep that same attitude if he ever saw him again. Already, his mind was telling him that wasn’t very likely at all. 

~

Sirius loved the energy that filled the locker room right before the game. The very air itself seemed to buzz with anticipation as everyone pulled their pads on, retaped their sticks, and did whatever pre-game ritual they’d developed for themselves over the years. 

Not many people in lacrosse were as superstitious as Sirius and James were, but after playing for a decade, it was hard not to be. There were certain things that, if Sirius did them, they would always win a game. If he didn’t, they lost. Some might chalk it up to chance, but Sirius cared so much about winning that he wasn’t willing to take that risk. 

Before every game, Sirius had four things that he would do, without fail. The first was the twelve that he wrote in sharpie onto the first layer of tape he wrapped around his stick, which would be covered up by the subsequent layers. The second was the series of stretches he did in the locker room (right arm, then left leg, then left arm, and right leg). Third was thirty wall balls on whatever open space of wall he could find, and fourth was his and James’ shared ritual. 

Away from the rest of the team, James and Sirius would sit back to back, and whatever was on their mind, that was the time to say it. Whatever stress, or worry, or negative feeling they were having that could possibly affect the game, they got it out. It helped clear their minds, let them sort of get everything out in the open before devoting all their thoughts and energy toward the game. 

Sluggie called out that it was time to go, and with nerves zipping through his body, Sirius got ready to lead his team out onto the field. 

There was nothing like it, not in the entire world. Nothing compared to the roar of the crowd as they watched the Lions run onto the field, the cheers and whoops, the feeling of being with his team, his  _ family _ , as they sized up the other team. And of course, there was an added feeling of excitement, because this was Sirius’ first time playing as the captain of the Lions. 

The Vipers could be vicious at times, but Sirius wasn’t worried about this game. They were on home turf, they’d been practicing their asses off, and he felt like they were ready. He felt like  _ he _ was ready. He shifted back and forth on his feet, subtly trying to test out whether his thigh was going to twinge with pain if he put pressure on it. He nearly let out a sigh as he felt nothing, not even a pinch or a pull in the muscle. 

Adrenaline thrummed through his veins as Sirius shook hands with the captain of the Vipers, a tall guy with shaggy blond hair. He could see both teams taking their place on the field, and Sirius got down on his knees, placing his stick on the ground, preparing himself for the start of the game. His muscles were taught with anticipation as he and the Viper’s captain pressed the ball between the heads of their sticks. Sirius had done so many face-offs in his years of playing, and the excitement never, ever got old. 

Sirius was oddly excited to see how Remus played, and as the game started, Sirius questioned how he was ever worried about Remus in the first place. Remus moved like lacrosse was second nature; his stick seemed to be merely an extension of his arm, he weaved past defenders like they weren’t even there, and every time he shot, Sirius had to fight to tear away his eyes from the graceful fluidity of his body. 

By halftime, the game was 5-2, and Sirius was grinning from ear to ear as he entered the locker room. “Alright men, way to play out there! I’m impressed. Katch, you had some nice saves out there, Lip, Koz, you two are killing it, and Lupin! I mean, christ, man, the way you’re playing there’ll be no ladies left for the rest of us.” 

Remus nodded at him gratefully, a glimmer in his eye at the mention of girls from Sirius. Sirius found he didn’t care though, because he was looking more at the flush of Remus’ cheeks and the way he wiped sweat off his forehead. Naz clapped Lupin on the back, smiling at him. 

“Seriously, man! You, Black, and Potter play so well out there together I’d never guess you three hadn’t played together for years.” 

“We’ve got a good rhythm, eh?” James asked proudly. “Guess we owe  _ some _ of that to Mr. Padfoot here, but not too much. Don’t want to give him a big head, eh? Or  _ bigger _ .” 

“Oh, fuck off,” Sirius called out. “You love me,  _ and _ my big head, and you know it, James Potter!” James lunged at Sirius, but Sluggie told them halftime was nearly over, and they all suited up again, taking one last drink of water or one last stretch. 

Sirius had to admit that the Vipers were better than he expected, but the Lions beat them 8-3, and they’d only fouled a few times as a team. The Vipers, on the other hand, had played dirty enough that it made Sirius shove the defender that was tailing him a bit harder during the next play. And if Naz and some of the other defense boys had retaliated in their own ways, Sirius turned a blind eye to it. 

There was a thin line between being aggressive and playing dirty, and while Sirius liked to toe that line, the Vipers liked to cross it entirely. They certainly weren’t the worst in the league when it came to that, but they were pretty close. 

“What a game, gents! Drinks at Hog’s Head?” Sirius asked as the team stripped out of their pads and helmets. A cheer of general agreement went up, but Sirius didn’t hear if Remus had agreed. Out of nosy curiosity, Sirius approached his stall, where Remus was taking off his chest pads. He didn’t look up at Sirius as he walked up, but by the subtle shifting of his body, Sirius knew Remus saw him. “Lupin? You in?” Sirius didn’t know why he asked, not when Remus had declined so aggressively the last time-

“Sure,” he answered, completely cutting off Sirius’ stream of thoughts. 

“Oh,” Sirius said, surprised, before he could stop himself. “I mean, uh, great! See you there, then. Unless, I mean, do you need a ride? I’ve got my car here already.”

Remus looked up at Sirius then, shining with faint amusement. How Sirius hadn’t already clocked that Remus’ eyes were such a warm shade of hazel was beyond him. “Sure,” he said once more. The quirk of the corner of his mouth made Sirius feel like he was sort of making fun of him, though for what, he didn’t know. 

“Sweet. Glad you’re coming out with us,” Sirius told Remus before walking away. There was a strange churning sensation in his stomach, and Sirius chalked it up to being blindsided by Remus finally starting to open up. Or, at least starting to participate in team outings. 

Returning from the shower, Sirius threw his clothes onto his stall bench. James looked up at the noise. “Hey. I’m almost ready.”

“No worries, Remus is still a few minutes out,” Sirius said, and the speed at which James’ brows flicked up was nearly comical. 

“Lups is coming out with us? Man, that defender must’ve checked me harder than I thought.” 

“Coulda knocked me over with a feather when I asked and he actually said yes,” Sirius informed James, pulling his hair back with the hair tie he always kept on his wrist. “Figured I would ask, you know, just to be nice or inclusive or whatever as the captain. I didn’t think he’d say yes, especially after that whole ‘I don’t do friends’ spiel he gave me the first time I asked him to come out.”

“Well, I’m glad he’s coming. He can be pretty funny when he’s not being all brooding and quiet. We had fun last time at the Hog’s Head playing darts while you were  _ busy _ with a certain blond,” James replied. Sirius smacked him with the sock he was holding before putting it on. “What, I can’t make jokes anymore? Oh, hey, Lups!”

Sirius had not been prepared for the sight of Remus’ dripping hair, the towel slung low around his hips, and the beads of moisture still clinging to the smooth plane of his chest and stomach. He breathed in so suddenly he coughed, James whacking him (far too roughly) on the back. It was just...a new sight. That’s why it had caught him off guard. It was just surprising. 

“Potter. Good playing today,” Remus commented lightly. “You too, Black.”

James beamed at him. “Thanks! You about ready to go? Pads is giving me a ride, too.”

“Just let me slip on a shirt and some pants and I will be. Unless you want me to go out like this,” Remus said sarcastically, an amused smile slipping across his mouth as he gestured down to his body. 

Words were escaping Sirius as if he’d never learned them, but James answered.

“No worries, man. Take your time. The rest of the team won’t be leaving for a few minutes either,” James responded. 

~

Sirius, James, and Remus got into Sirius’ car, jumping when he started the ignition and music blared out from the stereo at such a high volume James clapped his hands over his ears. “Christ, Pads! I tell you every single time, turn your fucking volume down  _ before _ you turn the car off!”

Fumbling to turn the dial down to a more appropriate, less eardrum-shattering level, Sirius grinned sheepishly at James. “Sorry, guys. Okay, everyone buckled?” His eyes flickered to the rearview mirror, noting that Remus was in fact doing his seat belt, before putting the car into drive and leaving the stadium parking lot. 

“I’m glad you’re coming out with us, Lupin,” James informed him. “I had a lot of fun when we bumped into you and your friends the other night.”

“Me too,” Remus replied, to Sirius’ surprise. “I’ll be honest, that’s kind of the only reason I’m tagging along this time. Maybe you’ll actually beat me in darts this time,” he mused. 

James shook his head. “Hey, you’ve only seen me play drunk. You’ll be no match for sober me.” 

Remus laughed, a sound that floated through the air and caused goosebumps to travel down Sirius’ spine. “I’ll believe it when I see it, Potter.” 

“Sirius here is shit at darts, but get him to a pool table, and he’ll kick your ass faster than you can blink.”

In the rearview mirror, Sirius saw Remus’ eyebrows flick up. “Is that so?”

Sirius shrugged. “I used to play with my uncle all the time, so I got pretty good. I haven’t played in a while, though. I’m probably pretty rusty.”

“This is what Sirius does,” James stage-whispered to Remus. “Plays humble to throw you off, but really, he’s like, really fucking good and he knows it.” Remus snorted, and James continued. “He does it with everything. Pool, music, school, playing lacrosse. Fucking bastard is good at everything.” 

“I am not,” Sirius argued, pulling into the Hog’s Head parking lot and turning off the car. “Don’t listen to James. Bit prone to exaggerating, this one.” James swatted at him, and Sirius dodged it easily. “You’ll learn that quick enough.” 

There was an amused smile on Remus’ face as he watched the two of them interact. “You guys been friends for a while, then?” When Sirius and James looked at him like they were surprised he picked up on it, Remus explained, “You two just seem really close. Closer than the other guys.” 

“Yeah, we became friends when we were eleven. Went to the same school, played on the same lacrosse team, and haven’t been able to get rid of him since,” Sirius answered, pulling open the door to let Remus and James to walk in. He was a bit shocked at how easily Remus was able to read the dynamic between the two of them, though he supposed he shouldn’t be. It was easy to forget how clearly he and James showed their affection for each other. 

Naz, Katch, and Lip waved them over to the couple of tables they’d pushed together. Tom, the owner, didn’t mind much when they rearranged things a bit, as long as they ordered enough and always put the tables and chairs back at the end of the night. 

“Took you guys long enough!” Naz said to James and Sirius. “And look who you dragged along with you! What’s up, Lupin? Didn’t think you’d be joining us.” 

“Didn’t want to miss out celebrating our first win of the season,” Remus answered lightly. 

The boys whooped, and Sirius grinned. “Damn right! Not surprised, if I’m being honest. Those Vipers have never been much of a challenge.”

“Dirty bunch, though,” Lip said with disdain. “And that fucking ref! I mean, jesus, man, don’t be a ref if you can’t fucking see. Some of those calls were fucking bullshit!”

Katch draped his arm around Lip’s shoulders, messing up his hair with the other hand. “Aw, Lip, you’re just pissed because this ref actually called fouls on you. Couldn’t sneak a single one by that man, could you?” 

“Oh, fuck off,” Lip groaned. “It’s not  _ fun _ if there’s not at least some playing dirty. I don’t even foul that bad anyway. What’s the harm of a few shoves here and there?”

Sirius looked at Lip incredulously as he sat down. “A few shoves? Lip, you practically tackled number twenty-three at one point. That is not a shove.”

“Like you’re so innocent,” Lip shot back. “We all saw that sneaky little check you gave your defender in the second half. Poor guy had fucking tears in his eyes, I swear to god.” 

The group burst out laughing, and Remus joined in. Not quite as loud as the others, but still. It was much friendlier than he’d been to the team since he’d been traded. Sirius was finding that Remus really wasn’t all that bad, when it came down to it. Sure, he was still a bit quiet and snarky for Sirius’ taste, but he was nice to talk to and he was funny if he wanted to be. 

Drinks were consumed and games were played, and all throughout, as the alcohol warmed Sirius’ blood and everything got that lovely haze around it, he felt content. Happy. Things felt good, and he laughed at himself for feeling so scared and stressed about everything lately. 

After a few hours of talking and playing pool Naz, James, and Sirius were at the table, the rest of the team either off flirting with girls or playing darts or pool. Naz was still nursing a beer, taking slow sips the way one did when they were starting to suspect they might vomit soon. James was bright-eyed, his cheeks flushed, as he talked animatedly. 

“I can’t believe you told Naz before me,” he joked semi-seriously. 

“Not on purpose, remember? Naz just happened to be there at the right time. Or,” Sirius frowned, remembering Naz walking in on Sirius his final year of high school in a very compromising position with a boy on the hockey team. “The wrong time.”

“Definitely the wrong time,” Naz chimed in, wrinkling his nose. “You should be glad you didn’t walk in on that, James.” 

James sighed, tracing the rim of his rum and coke. “You still aren’t going to let me set you up, are you?” Sirius shook his head. Hard. “You look like a dog when you do that,” James snorted. 

“Nope,” Sirius answered. “I can pull just fine on my own, thank you very much. Remember- oh, Remus! Where’ve you been?”

The bar lighting was dim, low, and the air was a bit smokey, and Sirius was definitely past tipsy, but he could’ve sworn Remus’ lips were tinged red. Something bubbled up in Sirius’ stomach at the sight. Probably just the alcohol starting to wreak its revenge. He had had quite a bit. 

“Oh, I saw an old friend. Went out back to talk for a few minutes,” Remus explained. “Seems the three of you are having a good night.”

Naz raised his glass to Remus in an odd sort of salute. “Indeed, my Welsh friend, we certainly are! Why don’t you join us?”

“Ah, I’m not drinking, not tonight, but I’ll sit for a few.” Remus slid into the chair next to Sirius’ and Sirius nudged the plate of fries in front of him toward Remus. 

“Want some? They’re not cold, don’t worry. Just aren’t sitting well,” Sirius grimaced, patting his stomach. 

“I don’t think it’s the fries, Black,” Remus said with a small smirk. 

Sirius waved his hand at him dismissively. “Ah, what do you know? I can hold my alcohol better than anyone. Better than these two for sure.” Naz and James didn’t even protest; they merely nodded and made an expression that said,  _ that’s fair _ . 

“Right, who here wants to know more about Remus?” James asked, drawing out the second word so long Sirius thought he sounded a bit like an owl. “I certainly do.”

“More about me?” Remus repeated. “Why?”

James looked at him like the answer should’ve been obvious. “Because you’re a Lion now, and we like you and you seem interesting. Plus, you’re Welsh. Never met a Welsh person.”

Remus looked like he was holding back a laugh, and Sirius leaned over, lowering his voice so that James wouldn’t hear. “James is very friendly, if you haven’t gathered that. Believe me, it’ll be less painful just to go along with it. Speaking from experience.”

“Okay, then.” Remus leaned back in his chair. “Shoot.”

“When’d you start playing lacrosse?” James asked. 

“When I was fourteen. It was either that or soccer, and I’ve never cared much for soccer.”

A murmur of agreement rose from the other three. “Where’d you go to high school?” asked Sirius. 

“St. George’s,” Remus answered nonchalantly. Naz let out a low whistle, and Sirius gaped at him. 

“Holy shit. Really?” 

Remus nodded, shifting in his chair. “My parents wanted me to have a good education, and my dad’s job moved him close enough that I could go there. Wasn’t a huge fan, if I’m being honest. Just a lot of posh boys who think they’re better than everyone else. Besides being foreign, as they liked to remind me constantly, I was there on scholarship. That didn’t really do much in terms of popularity for me.”

“Even my parents never sent me there, and they spared no expense when it came to education. The only reason they let me stay at Crescent Heights with James and Naz was because I was finally getting good grades and not being dragged home by the fucking police every night,” Sirius said with a laugh. “Or else we might’ve met there. Wouldn’t that have been funny?” Sirius was vaguely aware that he’d spoken of his parents, something he rarely did, even when he was drunk and not entirely in control of his words. He didn’t feel that brush of anxiety in his mind, that twist of his gut that normally accompanied such topics, though. Sirius just felt...drunk. 

It was a strange change, but not an unwelcome one. 

Remus eyed Sirius with a look of curiosity. “The police?”

“Bit of a troublemaker, that one,” James said around a sip of his drink. “Until Naz and I came along, the sweet guardian angels that we are.” 

Remus laughed, and Sirius caught himself physically leaning forward, trying to get closer to the pleasant, rich sound. “Why do I find that hard to believe?”

“Oh, they helped a lot,” Sirius informed him. “But only because Naz would fucking bug me to no end if I didn’t do my homework, and James would always find a way to get me out of the house with some excuse about school or work.” He hadn’t meant to turn the conversation to such a sentimental subject, but he couldn’t stop the affection that crept into his voice. 

James and Naz just grinned, as if it had been no bother to them, even though Sirius knew they’d gone to a lot more effort than they’d told even him about. “Impressive job turning the spotlight to me, Lups, but we’ve still got questions for you.”

Remus just flicked his brows up, neither confirming nor denying that that had been just what he was doing. 

“Favorite movie?”

“The Mummy.” At their shocked faces, Remus shrugged. “I won’t back down from that. It’s a good film.”

Sirius had a fleeting thought that perhaps Remus would enjoy their drunk viewings of Nicolas Cage movies as well. 

“Do you have any siblings?”

“Nope, only child.” 

James this time. “Why’d you move from Wales?”

“Dad’s job. He’s a lawyer.” Sirius winced at that, noticeably enough that Remus turned to him. 

Sirius shook his head. “Swallowed my drink wrong,” he said dismissively. 

Checking the time on his phone, Remus slid it into his pocket. “Right, lads, it’s late and I’ve got something in the morning, so I better be going.”

“We’ll walk out with you,” Naz said. “Looks like most of the boys are on their way out, too.”

James went to settle the tab, and Sirius took one last sip of his drink before standing as Remus did. The alcohol hit him harder then, making the world tilt in a way that made Sirius’ head spin. He felt a warm hand press against his back, nudging him upright. “Woah, there. You good?”

The fog settled around his senses made sparks dance across the skin that Remus was touching over the fabric of Sirius’ shirt. Sirius leaned into the pressure slightly as he took a moment to gather himself. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Remus didn’t move away until Sirius was entirely steady, and the absence of his touch made Sirius shiver as cold air whooshed over the place his hand had just been. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit of a shorter chapter unfortunately, as ive caught a monster of a cold from one of the kids i teach but its almost entirely sirius and remus so hopefully you still enjoy! <3

“Sirius!” Marlene put down the record she’d been holding as the door to the record shop dinged, indicating Sirius’ arrival. “What are you doing here?” 

The record shop that Marlene worked in was a single room packed with rows and rows of vinyls, organized by genre, then alphabetically. Walls painted a soft blue complimented the shiny black of records dancing across the surface, and music turned up just loud enough that one could actually hear it but not too loud that it drowned out all possibility of conversation filled the air. The shop smelled the way that most vintage stores did, but with a faint hint of sweet cinnamon that Sirius found he rather enjoyed. 

Marlene, her hair down and bouncing around her smiling face, looked right at home in her flared jeans and olive sweater. Sirius returned her smile, already in love with the atmosphere of the shop. He should’ve popped by sooner; he’d been meaning to check it out since Lily began working at the tattoo shop.

“Oh, I was dropping Lily off some coffee and I decided I should come check out your shop. I’ve been wanting to pop in here for ages, but never got around to it until now.”

“Ah, and here I was, thinking you came just to see me,” Marlene sighed dramatically. 

“That’s an added bonus,” Sirius said. “How have you been? Sorry I’ve not texted. Things have been crazy lately.”

Marlene nodded hello to a customer who walked in before answering. “I’ve been good! Just been working, doing school, the usual. What about you? How’s the professional athlete life?”

Sirius snorted. The game had gone well, but the way Sluggie had drilled them at practice the day after, one might’ve thought they’d played worse than they ever had. He was used to being sore-- his body practically always ached, but his shoulders were stiff from shooting over and over again, trying to fix his step. Trying, because it wasn’t going too well so far. His thigh was improving, but Leon still told him that if he wanted to avoid aggravating it, he would still need to be smarter about how he moved.

“As glamorous as ever. We won our first game, which was nice. I was a little nervous about the new guy on our team, but it looks like he’s going to be good for the team. Oh, and um, I came out to Lily and James.” He figured if he wanted to tell anyone else, it would be Marlene. Though they’d only recently become friends, there was a sort of bond that had sprung up between them, the kind that tended to grow between two people that shared a common secret. 

Marlene’s eyebrows shot up. “Way to go, Black. They took it well, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah, after I ran off like a fucking coward and my buddy had to convince me to go back home and hear James out.” Sirius shook his head, feeling the bite of shame all over again. “But yeah, obviously they took it well. It’s James and Lily. I should’ve known. It wasn’t really how I planned, actually. James and I sort of got into a fight about dating and why I didn’t like you like that-”

“Did you let them know I’m strictly a ladies’ woman?”

“Yeah,” Sirius grimaced. It wasn’t his place at all to out Marlene, and he’d been meaning to apologize to her ever since he had. “Sorry.”

Marlene waved her hand dismissively. “Nah, don’t be. I’ve been meaning to tell Lily anyways, just so she won’t set me up again. No offense,” she said with a grin. 

“None taken,” Sirius assured her. “But anyway, we got into an argument, and all the sudden I just blurted it out. So...bit of a mess at first, but everything is okay now.”

“Well, good. Feels good, doesn’t it?” 

Sirius sighed. Did it fucking ever. “Absolutely.”

“Oh!” Marlene exclaimed suddenly as the bell above the door rang out, looking over Sirius’ shoulder. Her eyes lit up and she said, “Two seconds! I’ve got to grab a record for the customer that just walked in.” She hurried off to the back room behind the checkout counter, and Sirius began perusing the row of records to his left. He had to admit that the shop seemed to have a pretty decent selection. A few of the album covers caught his eye, and he reached to pull one out when he heard a familiar accent behind him. 

“Black?” 

Turning, Sirius was surprised to see Remus standing in front of him, his nose red from the cold and a green scarf wrapped around his neck. The color twinned with his eyes in a way that almost made them look gold. “Lupin, hey.” 

“You know McKinnon?” Remus asked, his eyes following the path Marlene had taken to the back room. “I saw the two of you talking as I walked up.”

“Mc- oh, Marlene? Yeah, we met a couple weeks ago. She knows Lily. James’ wife. She works at the tattoo parlor just across the parking lot.” 

Remus nodded, rubbing his hands absentmindedly together to warm them up. “I’ve just not seen you here before. Do you come here often?”

Sirius couldn’t resist the way his mouth quirked up into a goofy smirk. “You hitting on me, Lupin?” Remus’ cheeks flushed, and Sirius let out a soft laugh. A twist in his stomach made Sirius start to regret the words until an unbothered smile floated across Remus’ face. 

“Poor choice of words, sorry,” Remus said, letting out an amused sound of his own. “Not intentional, I promise.” 

The conversation was easy, flowing, something that Sirius didn’t even realize until he noticed he wasn’t feeling irritated by Remus at all. It was...new, he thought, but not bad. Nice, even. 

Marlene exited the back room, returning to where Sirius and Remus were standing, an old record in her hand. Remus’ eyes widened, and he took the record gently from Marlene. “You found it?” he asked, almost in awe, as he carefully turned it over in his hands. 

Sirius would have recognized the bright cover anywhere. He’d listened to the Moody Blues so much that he only had to see a quick glimpse of the swirling colors to know exactly what album it was. “Holy shit,” he breathed. “Is that Days of Future Passed?”

“Not just Days of Future Passed,” Remus replied, pointing to the word ‘MONO’ in the bottom left corner. “The U.K.’s first pressing of the record, and it’s in mono. This is one of the first Days of Future Passed vinyls ever made. How the bloody hell did you find this?” 

Marlene shrugged. “I have my ways. I know how long you’ve been looking for it.” 

Remus looked at Marlene like she had just given him his weight in diamonds. “I could kiss you right now, McKinnon. Holy shit.”

Wrinkling her nose, Marlene said, “I’ll pass. You’re welcome, though.”

“How much do I owe you?” Remus asked, fishing his wallet out of his coat pocket.

Marlene shook her head, gesturing for him to put his wallet away. “Your birthday’s in March, yeah? Just consider it an early birthday gift.” 

Sirius caught that bit of information with a bit of surprise. He hadn’t known Remus’ birthday was only a few months away. Somehow, Remus being born in March made sense. Sirius wasn’t much into astrology, not like Lily was, but Remus reminded him of March, he realized, in a strange sort of way. 

Remus looked down at the record again, disbelief clear on his face. “And here I was, coming in here today just because I wanted to replace my Smiths record that just broke.” Remus smiled at Marlene, more brightly and genuinely than Sirius had ever seen. “Thank you. I mean it.” 

“No problem,” Marlene answered. “Just happy to help. Did you still want that Smiths album too, then?” 

“No, I’ll come back for it later. Right now, I just want to go home and listen to this,” Remus said, gesturing to the vinyl. 

Sirius was so envious of Remus’ find that he almost asked Remus if he could come along and hear the album the way the Moody Blues meant for it to be listened to. He didn’t though; they weren’t close enough for him to intrude on him like that, even if he practically wanted nothing more in that moment than to do so. Asking Remus if he could tag along would almost be like Sirius admitting he was fine with Remus, that he’d been wrong about his initial impression of him, and Sirius was too stubborn for that. 

“Oh, god, that’s so rude of me, I’m sorry!” Marlene said suddenly. “Remus, this is Sirius. Sirius, this is Remus.”

Remus’ mouth twitched upward. “Yeah, we know each other. When I said I got traded and that’s why I moved to Calgary, I got traded to the Lions. We actually play lacrosse together.”

“No shit,” Marlene replied. “So this was the new guy you were talking about, then.” That last part was directed at Sirius, and Remus’ eyebrows lifted. Sirius scrambled to explain, to assure Remus that it had been strictly about lacrosse. He didn’t know why he felt it so necessary, but he did. 

“I was just telling her that we won our first game and that you played well,” Sirius explained. “That you’re a good addition to the team.” 

“Oh. Thank you,” Remus said. The shock in his voice did not go unnoticed by Sirius, but he really should’ve expected it. Why shouldn’t Remus be surprised? Sirius hadn’t really said a nice thing to him or about him in the time he’d been with the Lions. Sirius shrugged. It was the truth, even if Marlene telling Remus he’d talked about him made his chest feel sort of tight. 

“You two actually have similar tastes in music,” Marlene commented. “Didn’t you say you loved the Moody Blues, Sirius?” 

Sirius shifted his weight to one leg. “Yeah, we actually talked about that a couple of weeks ago, Remus and I. I don’t know if you remember,” he said to Remus. Sirius remembered; he remembered all the artists that Remus had mentioned, as well as what his major had been. For some reason, it was easy to recall information that Remus had told him about himself.

“Marlene, don’t you get off soon? We can all go back to mine and give this a listen, if you’d like,” Remus offered. 

Sirius didn’t miss the fact that he said  _ all _ . All, which included Sirius, didn’t it? The offer was a shock, to say the very least. Though Remus had been warming up a bit, and Sirius had enjoyed when he’d accompanied the team to the Hog’s Head after their first game, they were by no means on friendly terms. Sirius would argue that they were barely on polite terms. Remus had been the one to shut Sirius down right when they’d met, and Sirius had been treating him rather coldly since. 

Marlene’s eyes darted to the watch she wore on her wrist, tilting the face towards her so that she could read the time. “Yeah, in about twenty minutes, but I’ve got something right after work and I’d hate to make the two of you wait for me.” 

“Oh, well…” Remus responded slowly. Tension filled the small space between the three of them. Sirius wondered if he was going to rescind his invitation. Maybe he’d make up that he’d forgotten he had something, and tell Sirius he actually didn’t have the time. Sirius wouldn’t blame him. He knew Remus had likely mostly been inviting him out of politeness, or some strange social obligation of that sort. Really, the choice was down to whether it would be more awkward to take back the offer, or to go along with it. 

“If you don’t have anything going on...” Remus trailed off unsurely, shuffling slightly from foot to foot. “It’s probably a bit of a mess, but my roommates are out, so it’ll be quiet.” 

Strangely, Remus’ comment that neither Jackson nor Bastien were home relieved some anxiety that he hadn’t known he’d felt. Sirius had to physically restrain himself from answering too quickly, or with too much excitement, because he wanted to do that more than  _ anything _ . When would he get another chance to listen to it? “I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything, but...that would be fucking fantastic.” 

~

Remus’ place was a short walk away, and Sirius spent the entirety of the walk wondering why on earth Remus had offered to let Sirius listen to it with him for the first time when he’d only ever been briskly cordial to Remus at best. It made Sirius feel guilty, as if Remus somehow was taking the high road even though Sirius was the captain and should’ve been doing that the whole time. 

They didn’t speak for the duration of the journey, but that was fine with Sirius. He wouldn’t know what to say even if there was some attempt at conversation. Beyond music and lacrosse, Sirius had little in common with Remus, and most of their previous tries at talking had been short and/or hostile. 

Remus’ apartment building was a quaint building, painted a stony brown. It looked nice enough, besides the creaky sound of the elevator as it took Sirius and Remus up to the top floor. The elevator creaked and squealed as it took them up to the seventh floor, and Sirius found himself wishing they’d taken the stairs, if only so he had something to do with his arms and legs. It felt strange, to be in such close quarters with Remus. Sirius didn’t know whether to cross his arms, or lean back against the railing on the wall, or stuff his hands in his pockets.

As they exited the elevator, Remus gestured down the hall. “I’m this way.” Sirius nodded, letting Remus lead the way down the tiled hallway to the very end, where a window looked out over the cityscape covered in snow and slush. The view was nice, the skyline not too crowded with buildings, but the window was sort of frosted and opaque the way that poorly-made windows tended to be when they’d been subjected to harsh weather. 

Metal clanked and jingled as Remus wiggled his key into the lock. A few moments passed before a soft clicking noise sounded, and Remus sighed. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Bloody lock sticks and the landlord is a lazy arse who never responds to my damn-  _ oof _ ” the door swung open as Remus shoved at it with his shoulder, “my damn messages. Right, here we are.” 

Shades of brown and green and blue met Sirius’ eye everywhere he turned. There were houseplants lining the window in the family room, on the table in the kitchen, on a bookshelf pushed against the far wall next to the television. Paintings and pictures took up most of the free space on the blue-grey walls, some that Sirius recognized from the countless museums his parents used to take him to, some that he’d never seen before. And  _ books _ . There were books on every surface not taken, strewn about as if Remus had been walking around reading them and put them down when he got distracted. 

Remus toed his shoes off by the front door and Sirius followed suit. Tugging off his coat and scarf, Remus said, “Sorry it’s messy. Jackson and Bastien barely spend any time here between school and work, so I kind of forget that most people don’t have everything out like this.” 

“It’s fine, really. I kind of like it,” Sirius admitted, taking off his own coat, but holding it awkwardly in his arms instead of setting it down. “At least your place has a sort of theme. James and I have a really bad habit of going to second hand stores and finding the ugliest decorations and bringing them home. Lily hates it,” he said with a chuckle. 

“I just can’t fit all of my books in my room, to tell you the truth. But like I said, my roommates don’t mind as long as they can see the TV and I don’t leave any on the couch or floor. You can put your coat by mine, by the way. Do you want anything to drink?” Remus asked as he walked into the kitchen, opening a cabinet and pulling out a mug. “I’m going to make coffee, if you’d like some.” 

Sirius shook his head, recalling that he’d already had one caffeinated beverage that day, which was a limit he normally tried to stick to. Otherwise, he’d feel jittery and nervous and out of it. It wasn’t a feeling he enjoyed much. He was already feeling quite on edge as it was. “I’m good, thanks.” 

“Suit yourself,” Remus replied, flipping the switch on his electric kettle. 

Silence overtook the kitchen as they waited for the kettle to boil. Sirius felt awkward- he didn’t know what to say or what to do, which wasn’t something he often experienced. There was just something about Remus that made him feel slightly off-kilter, like everything that he normally did wasn’t quite right. 

“So, uh,” Sirius began, desperate to fill the heavy quiet. “How’d you get into music and records and all of that?” 

“My mum,” Remus answered. “She always had music playing in the house growing up. And it was always older stuff, you know, music that she’d listened to when she was younger. It was always on a record player too. We didn’t even get a CD player until I was nearly twelve. Mum said it ruined the sound because it wasn’t the way the artists meant for the music to be played. She gave me my first record player.” 

Sirius felt envy bubble up in his chest. Not directed at Remus, but at the way he’d grown up. Walburga and Orion, the soul-crushing bastards that they were, hadn’t allowed music in the house unless it was orchestral and composed by someone who’d been dead for at least a hundred years. There were classical pieces Sirius adored, ones that he could likely still stumble through on the piano if he really tried, but they were no match for the music that artists like Bowie and Mercury created. 

“What about you?” Remus asked, but the kettle whistled before Sirius could open his mouth to answer. Hot steam shot up from the top of the pot and Remus carefully avoided it as he poured it into his mug. Remus grabbed a packet of instant coffee from the box next to the kettle, shaking it into his mug and stirring it around. He must’ve caught the accidental grimace that flashed across Sirius’ face, because he returned the expression. “I know, it’s bloody disgusting, but I haven’t gotten around to buy an actual coffee maker. They’re more expensive than you’d think.” 

Sirius nodded. “I don’t doubt it. The three of us are too lazy to get one, and I honestly only really like coffee from Dunkin. Otherwise I’m more of a tea person, honestly.” Another thing Sirius blamed on his upbringing- a preference he’d tried to shake, but he’d never been successful.

Picking up his coffee and the record, Remus tilted his head in the direction of what Sirius assumed was his room. “Ready?” 

Remus pointed out the bathroom as they passed it before using his elbow to open his door, both of his hands occupied. And if Sirius thought he liked the rest of the apartment, he wasn’t ready for Remus’ room. Until that very moment, he’d never understood what people meant about a room having personality. If Sirius took what little of his personality Remus had shown to him and somehow formed it into a living space, it would look almost identical to what Remus’ room actually looked like.

Posters covered the walls, books laid scattered about, and Jackson hadn’t been joking about the amount of records Remus had. It was no wonder his books didn’t all fit in his room; his bookshelf was packed with records, a collection more impressive than any Sirius had ever seen. Remus set down his mug, hastily gathering up a few stray pieces of clothing that were on his bed. Sirius barely noticed and he certainly didn’t care at all, not when he was too busy looking at Remus’ records as if he’d just stumbled upon hidden treasure. 

“Jesus fucking christ,” Sirius marveled. “Jackson wasn’t kidding. You really do have practically every single good record ever.” 

“Like I said, I’ve been collecting for a really long time.”

Sirius turned to face him, knowing his expression was one of childish awe, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed, not when such an impressive array of music was in the room. “But how did you even find all of these? I mean, most of these aren’t even in production anymore!” He knew he might’ve been a little too excited, a little too  _ much _ , but he couldn’t help it. 

Remus’ mouth curled up in a small smile. “Stores like the one Marls works in, thrift stores, that kind of thing. It takes time, and you have to know where to look, but there are little hidden gems everywhere if you have the patience to spend the time to find them.” 

“I don’t have that kind of patience,” Sirius said honestly. 

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Remus answered, but it didn’t sound malicious, so Sirius shoved down the annoyance that threatened to rise. “I just mean that you seem like a person who likes to do things quickly.” 

The comment felt sharp, sour, as Sirius internalized it. Sirius shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Having ADHD will do that to you,” he answered wryly. He didn’t entirely feel like talking about his ADHD with Remus. It was far too personal; it was something that, as much as he joked and poked fun at himself, was really difficult for him to handle at times, even with medication. 

“Right,” Remus said, sort of stiffly, as if he sensed the way Sirius had tensed up. “You ready?” He held up the vinyl, and Sirius nodded. He’d been ready since the moment Remus had invited him and Marlene over. 

Remus’ record player looked like it was straight from the sixties, the kind that was connected to a table with everything built in. Sirius sat gingerly on the edge of Remus’ bed, because there was nowhere else to sit other than the floor, as Remus carefully slid the record out of the sleeve and placed it onto the turntable. 

The whir of the record player starting up was as familiar to Sirius as the sound of his own voice, and as the first track,  _ The Day Begins _ , started playing, the bed dipped as Remus sat down. He had his legs- how had Sirius not realized how long his legs were?- stretched out in front of him, sitting up against the metal headboard of his bed. Violin strings and trumpets swelled and Sirius was reminded exactly why he adored this album over all others. It was a melody comprised of short snippets of the rest of the songs in the album, a more whimsical sound than what the Moody Blues’ music usually had. Their songs were normally darker, more full of guitar and that funky rock-esque sound that was so prevalent in the 1960s.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus was watching him. Sirius turned towards him, scooting back further onto the bed. “What?” 

“Nothing,” Remus said, but Sirius felt that that wasn’t quite the truth. “What do you think so far?” 

Sirius sighed, goosebumps pricking his arms as the orchestral music washed over him. “It’s so different hearing it in mono. I forgot how much I love the intro to this album. I know a lot of people don’t like it, but I think it’s such a perfect way to introduce the concept of the album.” 

“I like how  _ The Day Begins _ is so bright, sort of, and  _ Dawn _ is immediately darker right after,” Remus told him. “I don’t know how, but they capture feelings so well in their songs. I think that’s why I like this album so much. It makes you feel. Feel something that…” His voice trailed off, but Sirius understood. Articulating the way the Moody Blues made him feel was rather impossible at times as well. The music was just so otherworldly that no words seemed to do it justice. 

“What’s your favorite song on here?” Sirius asked as  _ Dawn _ began, the violins and flutes dropping into a darker, stranger sound that had always made Sirius shiver every time it came on. 

Without a moment of hesitation, Remus answered, “ _ Nights in White Satin _ .”

Sirius grinned, and Remus raised an eyebrow. “Right answer. If you had said anything else, I would’ve known you weren’t the kind of person I’d get along with.” 

“Funny, because it doesn’t seem like you get along with me anyway,” Remus pointed out. It wasn’t confrontational, wasn’t challenging. It just was. Sirius was beginning to learn that many of the things Remus said weren’t meant to be aggressive or rude. He had a way of talking, especially when he was joking, that made it difficult for Sirius to understand exactly what he meant. 

Perhaps it was the reason they’d started out already at each other’s throats. It wasn’t unfair of Remus to call him out, though. Sirius should’ve seen that coming. “Right. About that. I’m...sorry, for the way I acted. I was being childish. Between you refusing my handshake the first day and mumbling about my speech, I wasn’t really a huge fan of yours right off the bat. It didn’t really help that…” _That you replaced someone who used to be very important_ _to me_ “That I don’t do great with new people. That bit’s on me.” 

Apologizing wasn’t something Sirius was very good at. He didn’t like admitting he was wrong. Not because he never was- he was wrong all the time- but because growing up, apologizing was seen as weak, as something that one only did when they didn’t respect themselves. Sirius’ father had told him a thousand times that he was never wrong, because he was a Black, and Blacks were never wrong. So he hadn’t had much practice, but it was something he was working on, and Sirius figured Remus was as good of a person to start with as any. If anything, it would make playing together much easier. 

“I was a bit of a wanker that day, I will admit that,” Remus acknowledged. “You were too, to be fair, but I guess I sort of started it. Being traded was hard, and when you gave me that look after it took me too long to try and shake your hand,” Remus shrugged, “I figured you’d already made your mind up about me, so what was the point in being nice after that? You certainly weren’t going to be.”

Sirius grimaced, looking at Remus apologetically. They were sitting next to each other now, Sirius having subconsciously moved towards the other man as he’d talked. No longer teetering on the edge of Remus’ bed, Sirius no longer felt so out of place in the room. There was a spatter of freckles across Remus’ nose, he realized as he leaned against the headboard. Sirius hadn’t noticed that before. “So I guess we were both a bit too judgemental right off the bat, weren’t we?”

“I’d say so,” Remus agreed. “This might sound stupid, like we’re bloody primary children, but let’s just start over, yeah? Make a proper first impression, or whatever.” 

It didn’t even take a second for Sirius to make up his mind. The more he learned about Remus, the more he realized that they’d probably get along quite well, and Sirius sort of wanted a friend who was as enamoured with music as he was. Remus, Sirius decided, might be a nice person to have around. 

Sirius stuck out his hand, smiling warmly at Remus. “Nice to meet you, Lupin. I’m Sirius.”

This time, Remus took Sirius’ hand without hesitation, and the contact sent sparks dancing up Sirius’ arm. “Pleasure’s all mine, Black.”

~

Walking into his own apartment after spending a good hour or so at Remus’ listening to Day of Future Passed and having tiny pockets of conversation between the quiet that settled as they focused on the music coming from the vinyl, Sirius had a weird sort of elation brimming in his chest. It was likely just because he knew that him and Remus were fine now, that he wasn’t going to have to go to practice and  _ deal _ with Remus, but rather he could enjoy the time with him. 

“Jamie?” Sirius called out, tossing his coat onto the couch. “You home?” 

James shouted back, “In my room!” 

Sirius rolled his eyes, muttering to himself that  _ the lazy bastard really couldn’t even get out of bed, could he? _ as he opened the door to see James under his covers, his eyes bleary behind his glasses. “Man, have you gotten out of bed at all today?”

James shook his head. “Why the hell would I? It’s my day off. I’m determined to spend every bit of it doing absolutely fucking nothing. Where were you? You’ve been gone for a while.”

“Dropped Lils off some coffee, then went to the record store Marlene works at. It’s a really cool place, actually.”

“Did you get anything?”

“Nope,” Sirius answered. “But you’ll never guess who I ran into.” Sirius knew James was going to be much happier about him and Remus mending things than either of them were. James didn’t like arguments, not real ones. He wanted everyone to get along with each other all the time, and for James, that honestly wasn’t an entirely unreachable goal. For anyone who wasn’t as cheery and personable and friendly as he was though, it was highly unrealistic, but James refused to acknowledge that. 

“Who?”

“Lupin, of all people. You know how his roommates said he loved music? They weren’t fucking kidding. He’s got more records than I’ve ever seen one person have in my entire life,” Sirius told James. James looked confused, and rightfully so. Sirius clarified, “Marlene found this rare Moody Blues vinyl Remus had been looking for forever and he invited us both over to listen to it, but Marlene said she had something right after work, so it ended up just being me and Remus.” 

“You willingly hung out with Lupin?” James asked, surprised. “Thought you didn’t like the guy.”

“I didn’t,” Sirius agreed. “But, I dunno, we got to talking and realized we were both kind of assholes on his first day, so we agreed to sort of start over.” 

James raised his eyebrows at Sirius. “My god, Black, I thought I’d never see the day you got over being stubborn. I can’t believe I missed such a momentous occasion!”

“Shut up, you fucking ass.” Sirius slugged James on the shoulder. “I’m not  _ always _ stubborn.”

“Are too!”

“Am not!” 

James snorted. “Okay, fine, whatever. I’m just glad the two of you got things sorted out. It was really fucking awkward, having you two constantly pissing each other off. Not fun to play with either, I’ll tell you that.”

“Me too. It was nice, starting over,” Sirius said, and it was the truth. 


End file.
